Chasing Forever (Chasing 4)

I had to close my notes along with the schoolbook I was studying. I had exams coming and his interruption wasn’t welcome. Besides, after the crazed bitch-slap he had given me, I wasn’t sure if we were still on speaking terms.

“Geez, good of you to stop by uninvited.” Sarcasm laced my words, but the mocha-skinned man barely rolled his eyes at me, unfazed by my coldness.

“I don’t need an invite to see you, so get over it.” He reached out to take my half-eaten pistachio biscotti and munched on it. “It sucks to be here in London without Sienna. I feel like something’s missing in my heart.” He annoyingly sighed before having the audacity to take a sip of my cappuccino, too.

Really? This was not the time to mess with me. Surely this bugger hadn’t come to see me only to be melancholy about not having Sienna around. I knew those two were close, but sometimes I wished he’d give me the same attention. I missed him, too.

Masking the hurt in my eyes, I directed a glare at him. “To what do I owe this pleasure, Chad?”

He flicked the crumbs off the side of the table, looking at me with pure consideration. What I saw in his eyes sort of broke my heart. He was concerned about me; those dark eyes had somehow reached inside me and simply knew what gutting pain I was going through. It completely undid me.

Choking back the heavy lump in my throat, I looked away from the intensity of those dark eyes, hoping I could hide from it.

“He’s finally divorcing her. I flew in the moment he called.”

No wonder. He was here to the rescue. Since Sienna was on her honeymoon with Blake, Chad needed to make sure I was not going bonkers.

“Don’t feel guilty; it’s not your fault, baby love.”

Damn him. Why did it seem like he just knew what to say? Was he intending for me to cry because, seriously, I was on the brink of it. Maybe tears would make me feel relief…

“I had no idea,” I croaked out, blinking back the unshed tears.

“We all knew this was coming,” he murmured soothingly. “The only question was when he would do it. We all have been perfectly aware he did it for the wrong reasons. Amelia had a weird hold of him… but I think Rome made him snap out of it.”

Rome. God, thinking about Rome hurt. Thinking about him was too much. I had spewed lies, hoping he would secure his marriage, but the result had backfired on me. What happened now?

“How is he?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t we go and find out?”

Was he crazy? No. I wasn’t ready to face him. Not yet. “I can’t handle that right now.” There was no point in denying anything to Chad. He was just too perceptive and knew too much to be lied to.

He nodded, eyeing me with understanding.

Reaching out for my coffee, I took a small sip before carefully placing it back on the small, white saucer. My mind raced on, recalling everything as I took in the news. He was divorcing—dissolving his marriage. He’d be a free man again. Would he seek me out? And if he did, what would I do? Was I ready to be with him? Was I ready to take on the hate and wrath that came with it?

“Why didn’t you ever beg, Luce?”

Chad’s question brought me out of my reverie as I frowned at him. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Why didn’t you ever beg him not to do it? You fucking love the man. What the fuck? I just don’t get it. I want to understand why you were being such a cold-hearted bitch.”

Whoa. I had never heard him talk to me that way. Was he angry at me?

“What makes you think—?”

“You could’ve saved you both from this heartache. Neither of you are happy, so I want to know why. Why push away the guy who worshipped you like you were made out of gold? Why push him away when you couldn’t live without him?” He paused when he saw me about to argue with him. “You’re not happy. You’ve only been miserable since the moment you left him, love.”

Would he understand if I told him that I had done it for Toby? That I hadn’t wanted to come between him and his family? That I hadn’t wanted to put him in a position where he had to choose? Toby was a good man. He loved his family. Even though they were dysfunctional at best, they were his family. They needed to sort that out themselves. I cared for him too much to put him in an awful position.

“It’s hard to explain,” I started. “I did love him—, more than anything.” My heart was his. Forever. “Sometimes, love makes you do things. Things that you hope will be for the best… my intentions were faultless. I needed to put him first before my needs…” My throat constricted, thinking about the searing pain I had endured after walking away from him. “I realized that our own best interest doesn’t necessarily solve anything. Sometimes it turns out for the worst and backfires. A miniscule problem could grow into something bigger, something that’s hard to control.” I had bit off more than I could chew. Not only guilt was festering me into ruins, thinking about the baby placed an acrid, vile taste in my mouth.

“Love makes us do crazy things. I mean, look at Mighty Knightly and all the shit he had to pull off to be with Sienna. But one thing stood out, and that’s the only thing we should learn, which is never to fucking give up, Lucy. I look at you and I already see defeat. What happened to your backbone? You took part in this mess, at least bitch up and be there for the man you’ve fucked over. He needs you.”

“I don’t know…”

“I’m not asking you to be back with him. All I’m asking is for you to show your face. You don’t even have to say anything. Just be around, show that you care, even if it’s killing you inside.”

Could I do that? Could I stomach seeing the hate in his eyes?

“Toby might not be too pleased about that.”

“Trust me on this; that man is nuts and bolts loony for you.”

+++

“Lucy?”

I looked up and clashed eyes with him.

“Would you like to have dinner with me?”

Was he really asking me this or was I dreaming?

For weeks, I had secretly lusted after him, dropping subtle hints that I was more than interested, but he hadn’t taken the bait. Last week, I had been convinced that he saw me just as a friend from school. After all, he and Blake Knightly were sought after by all of the women in our school and he could have a pick of whoever took his interest.

My crushed hope was now alive and kicking as I blinked back a few times, considering his question.