Chasing Forever (Chasing 4)

Fury was back. Full throttle. “It was a weakened moment. My wife had just died and our baby was dying, what did you expect?”

His wife…

He’d never referenced her in that way before—not to me anyway. She had simply been Amelia, the woman he’d felt compelled to marry. Then again, he probably had felt something for her. He had dated her for quite some time, had sex with her, shared a home with her. They even made a baby…

I summoned enough strength to ask him one last question. “Did you… realize that she meant so much more after she passed? Is that why you’re so angry?” It would make a lot of sense.

Breaking eye contact, his fierce gaze left a vicious curl in my stomach, as if I knew what he was going to say before his lips parted to speak.

“Yes, I did. Now I just have to live with my regrets.”

He’d loved her, of course he had. I desperately wanted to ask if he felt anything for me, however I was too much of a coward to hear him say that he didn’t any longer. The happiness I had found with him, the memories that had brought me so much in life, felt like they needed some protection from him. I just wanted to preserve it and not taint it with memories of him and his wife.

“Am I permitted to leave?” I managed to ask, gripping my purse tightly.

“Why? Can’t wait a minute longer to have him fuck you senseless?”

Was he not exhausted?

I was holding down my scream, so when I saw him about to fire more words at me, I simply did just that. “Stop—stop! This is madness. Let’s not ruin whatever’s left between us!”

“Nothing is left. Where the fuck have you been, Lucy?” Vile words. Pure, utter garbage.

“Nothing? You feel nothing for me?” I felt crippled, as if he’d stolen everything from me. And maybe he just had.

“Are you asking me if I still love you?”

I pathetically nodded, still desperate for crumbs… something… “Yes. I am asking just that.”

“Do I look like a man in love with you, Lucy?”

“No… you do not,” I said it in a hushed whisper, barely standing on my shaky legs, crushed and completely destroyed.

“Well, there you have it.”

I felt faint. My body started to panic, going through such raw emotions, one hurt after the other, exhausting itself. It, too, has given up on me, I thought darkly, feeling like a joke.

“Do you mind if I take that bed upstairs? I’ll leave first thing in the morning if that helps you decide to let me stay for a few hours.” I needed shelter, away from him, from everyone.

He made a curt nod before I excused myself to seek the room. I immediately found one the moment I stepped on the landing, gunning towards it, as if I would die immediately if I didn’t get inside.

I was a strong woman and I wasn’t going to let him see me cry. Locking the door behind me, I was immediately blinded by darkness. With no idea where the light switch was located, I waited until my watery sight could see enough until I chose a spot to call my own.

I remained sitting on the carpeted floor with my chin on my knees, wrapped around my arms, leaning against the foot of the bed. It was only then I set it free. The hurtful words. The pain it had cost me when I’d heard him confirm that he’d loved her all along. Most of all, I cried for losing him again.

“Sorry fellas, but I’m peckish,” Toby declared, grumbling.

Smiling at him, I asked, “What do you fancy? We could grab something on the way home.” I kissed his cheek and rested my head against his shoulder, overwhelmed with such intense love for him.

“Spaghetti,” he said with a smile. We were all relieved that Chad was getting better and seeing Toby look so happy had brought bliss and contentment into my life.

Gazing at him with my heart, I granted his wish. “Then spaghetti it is.”

He then nuzzled my neck before leaving a kiss on my forehead, breathing me in. “I love you.”

“I love you.” For always. Forever.

There was a faint knock on the door, bringing me back out of my bittersweet memory of him. Those had been the good days. It hurt to mourn the man that he used to be. If I could trade a decade of my life for a minute with the old him, I gladly would until I ran out of life.

“Lucy!” The knob wiggled before he knocked again. “Open the door.”

No. I couldn’t.

“Please—” His voice softened, reminding me of how he had been when back when he was sweet and kind. “I just—I was hoping we could talk…”

Crawling on my knees, I went towards the door, softly leaning against it, closing my eyes. “I’m tired, Toby. I need to rest.”

“Open up.”

Tears streamed down my face as I shook my head. “No. I think we’ve done enough.” There was nothing left. He was right.

“Luce, I’m sorry.”

I smiled bitterly. Sadly. I understood it all because I loved him. “Me, too,” I whispered in vain.

“What happens now, Lucy?” He sounded broken, as if he was hurting.

We had nothing in common. Nothing to give to each other. So what else was there?

“We forget about each other.” I could at least attempt to make that happen. The chances were nil, but I was going to try.

“Luce?”

Wiping my tears away, I slowly got up and laid on the bed, curling up in a fetal position.

“Lucy?” he asked again through the door, however I held my tongue from responding.

Racking with soft sobs, I freely let go of my tears while he kept saying my name, asking for me.

How could he after how he’d treated me downstairs? Even in my worst time, given that it hadn’t been as bad as his, I had never acted nor treated him so abysmally. I felt degraded, unworthy of anything.

Toby tried to talk to me for another hour before I finally heard his defeated footsteps descending down the stairs.

I waited until I could see the first break of dawn before I softly started coming out of the room. Cautiously treading with on my toes, I was almost at the stairs when a linen closet piqued my interest. Stopping before it, I noticed piled boxes haphazardly stacked, some opened and still packaged.

The back of a frame stood out, so I pulled it out, finding something unexpected.

Wedding photos. A collage of the wedding.

A memento that had forever captured their wedding kiss. Exchanging rings, Amelia in her wedding dress as she walked down the aisle…

This was a sign. A gargantuan sign that I should pay heed to.