Chasing Forever (Chasing 4)

“I came here to apologize.” His tone told me that he was apologizing for far more than what had happened tonight. He was apologizing for everything that had happened. If only that word could erase him from memory—from all the misery it had cost me—but it was too late.

Barely giving him a curt nod, I gave him a deadpanned look. “Will that be all?”

His eyes darkened; he had been hurt from my brash abruptness so badly that there was no hint of blue anywhere within their depths. “You bloody well know that isn’t all, Lucy!” he stormed out, his eyes flashing at me. “You’ve been cutting and blocking me in at all corners to the point that it became difficult to get through to you—had you listened—”

“Had I listened to what?” I screeched with my chest heaving while my eyes trained on him, waiting.

His brows furrowed, frustration etched all over his face. “Had you listened to me,” he managed to say, unblinking, “we wouldn’t have broken up.” My heart ached at the sound of his voice cracking. What was the point of bringing the past up now? Everything was too late. He just needed to come to terms with that.

“I’m not discussing this with you again.”

His nose flared as he brushed past me and took the liberty of shutting the door himself before facing me with those thunderous eyes. “Why the fuck not? We never really did, did we?” he hissed, chest heaving before he decided to step closer, stopping mere inches from my heated face. “You fucking threw me away like some rotten rubbish you no longer needed.”

I caught a heady whiff of his cologne and nostalgia racked all over my body. Locking my jaw, my gaze indirectly avoided his, wandering about his neck and chest before my eyes settled on his lips. The lips that had tasted other women. The lips that had once told me that I was his forever. The same lips that had once sealed my fate while I had hoped he’d meant every word. I might’ve held my ground, but deep in my heart, I was a walking contradiction. Because maybe I wanted him to fight for me. Maybe because I hoped that he’d come back and tell me that he had managed to fix the situation with his family. It never happened that way, though. I was on my own, holding out for something that was never going to happen. Much more so now. All I had to do was think of Amelia and everything came into sharp focus.

“Well, had it ever occurred to you that maybe I didn’t need you?” I gritted out, hardening my heart and hoping that it would stay that way forever.

“Interesting really, since you and I were talking about buying our own place, even skirting around the subject of marriage.” His eyes dropped low, staring at my heaving chest.

Wow. He had the gall to speak about marriage? Un-fucking-believable.

“This is absolutely pointless.”

His desirous, veiled gaze instantly turned cold, spitting daggers at me. “It isn’t to me!” he hissed, stepping a tad too close for my comfort, his eyes impertinently locked on my trembling lips. “It means the world to me—everything, Luce.”

Luce. I used to love that he called me that. “Funny, ‘cause I sure as hell am not part of your world.” I made a shaky laugh, willing myself not to cry. “Not anymore.”

“Tell me—tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.” His sad, conflicted eyes searched mine before he whispered in a raspy tone, “Just come back to me.”

Licking my lips, I stared at him. Wide-eyed. Conflicted. Barely hanging by a thread.

“You must know that I haven’t stopped loving you. Not even for a day. Not for a second.” When his hand reached out to cradle my cheek, a small sob escaped from my lips as I closed my eyes, having difficulty not crying. This was past torment. “A part of me still believes that you love me.” His hot breath brushed against my lips, honing in closer. “We were supposed to be forever, Luce. Give me something to hope for.”

Hope. What hope? We had none. Everything had expired the moment he had taken that step towards the inevitable. For weeks on end, I had wallowed with my shattered heart, praying that I was dreaming… having the hardest time believing that he would really hurt me in the worst possible way… thinking that the man who had given me all those promises would never destroy our future.

All it had taken was one simple text message from Chad, stating that he was sorry, confirming everything I’d dreaded hearing.

My prayer hadn’t been answered, and I had to live with that.

Every single moment, each passing day, I had to come to terms with the fact that all I had left of him was memories. Did he have any idea how much I struggled to survive? No, of course he didn’t. He was too busy. With her.

He was Amelia’s and not mine to claim anymore. I knew that… however my heart couldn’t be taught—it obediently wept for him.

“I have had just about enough… I can’t take it—please.” It hurt too damn much. “No more. Please. Just leave.”

“Luce—”

I pressed my hand on his chest, pushing him away. “Toby… I can’t take—”

An animalistic, deep groan escaped from him before he yanked my hand and pulled me towards him, slamming my chest against his, causing an explosive friction between us. When his lips met mine, I felt anger rise, spreading through me like wildfire. Infuriated that I had missed him. Helpless that I simply couldn’t stop him.

Both of his hands were behind my head, his fingers gripping into my hair as he demolished my lips. Each kiss broke through my shield, shattering it into smithereens.

Through his lips, I felt his sorrow, his intensifying hunger, his love. Good grief, I felt his love. It invaded me all at once. He clouded everything like a fog, making me only see him and nothing else.

His heart galloped against mine, disarming me even more.

Chapter 2

Lucy

Present

I slowly paced towards his bedroom door, breathing roughly amidst the riotous, unsteady beat of my heart. Staring at the terra cotta tiles as I quietly walked along, I was telling myself to calm down and think rationally. That I should think of the outcome, the consequences of my drastic actions.

After last night, I was still unsure of everything. I mean, did I feel guilty? Yes, I truly did. But did I regret it? My mind did, however my body certainly didn’t. So that left me at a crossroads, not sure where to turn to.

Now, standing outside his door, every nerve ending rattled in my body. I knew the second I would open this subject with Toby, nothing could be taken back… yet I knew I had to go through this for both our sakes, even if it resulted with or without each other.