Changing Everything

“Hey,” Brett said as he opened the door.

Looking into his worried green eyes, the pressure was already lessening on my chest—making it easier to breathe. Like it always did, the pain from being near Eli was slowly fading as I stood in front of Brett. And I knew that I’d somehow fallen in love with this man in a matter of weeks, no matter how insane that seemed.

And I also knew I had my answer.

A sharp cry burst from my chest and I slapped my hand over my mouth to quiet it, and understanding covered his face.

“Oh, Paisley,” he whispered. Wrapping his arms around my shoulders, he pulled me into his chest as he shut the door behind us.

September 21, 2013

Eli

I GOT UP from where I’d spent the last five hours lying on the couch and walked slowly into the kitchen. I knew I should probably eat, but nothing sounded good. I’d talked to Jason a couple hours ago, and since I knew Paisley wasn’t with Kristen, that only left one other person I could think she’d spend a Saturday with.

And it was killing me.

I wanted to go wait at her apartment so I could try to talk to her again, but even Kristen and Jason thought it was a bad idea. They thought it was time I started backing off. I knew they were right; I just wasn’t ready to admit it.

Opening the fridge, I grabbed a beer and turned to walk back to the couch, but stopped when a knock sounded on my door. I stood there staring at it for a few moments while I tried to figure out if I should answer or act like I wasn’t here.

I didn’t need Jason telling me how much I’d fucked up again. I already knew.

When the knock came again, I set the beer down on the table and walked over to the door. Unlocking and opening it without bothering to see who it was, I froze when I saw Paisley standing there, tears streaming down her face.

“Pay—”

“Please tell me I made the right decision in choosing you.”

“What?” I asked on a breath, and curled my arms around her when she crushed her body to mine.

She swallowed roughly and looked up at me. “I can live without him—I can’t live without you.”

A smile pulled at my lips for the first time in weeks, and then I did something I should have done long ago. Bending low, I brought my face within a breath of hers to whisper, “I love you, Paisley Morro.” before pressing my lips to hers.

Her arms slowly moved around my neck, holding me closer as I prompted her lips open with mine. Wrapping my arms tightly against her waist, I straightened and pressed her back against the wall, loving the throaty sound she made as I did. Her hands moved through my hair as her legs tightened around my hips, and her chest heaved when I pulled back from the kiss.

Using the wall and one arm to hold her up, I kept my eyes on hers, watching as they widened when I made a slow line down her throat with the tips of my fingers. My lips tilted up on one side when a shiver moved through her body, and I leaned forward to make the same line with my lips and teeth. Her head dropped back against the wall, and a soft, breathy whimper sounded from her chest. I decided right then that was my favorite sound in the world.

“I want to hear you say it again.”

“I chose you,” she breathed, her declaration sounding almost like a question.

Moving away from her neck, I waited until she lowered her head to look at me again. “Not that, Pay.”

“I love you?” she asked softly.

“Yeah.”

Her lips curved up into a bright smile and her brown eyes searched my face for a few silent seconds. “I love you, Eli.”

I took a deep breath in as her words washed over me, and thanked God for giving me this second chance with her.

“And I want propped-up pillows with you.”

A hard laugh left me and I pressed my mouth firmly to hers. “And?”

“And Sunday mornings every morning.”

“And?” I prompted, eager to hear everything else I’d wanted from her this morning.

“I want to watch you roll your eyes every time I get on you for cussing, even though you know it’s coming.”

“And?”

“And I want to take the first bite of all your food,” she said against my lips then bit down on the bottom one.

“And?” I growled.

“And I want the frosted half of your cupcakes. And to share milkshakes with you. And for you to force me to change when you hate what I’m wearing.” Pulling back a fraction of an inch from my face, she pressed her palms to my cheeks and spoke softly. “And I want to love you, and be loved by you, every day for the rest of our lives.”

Resting my forehead against hers, I closed my eyes and let out a relieved breath. “All of that, Pay. Forever.”

September 21, 2013

Paisley

MY EYES STAYED locked on Eli’s as he walked us to his bedroom, and my heart began hammering as the possibilities of what we were about to do flooded my mind. Things I’d dreamt of for years were now finally about to become a reality.

Placing one knee on the bed, he lowered our bodies onto the comforter—keeping his body a few inches above mine once I had unwrapped myself from him. My pulse thrummed violently when he smiled before dipping his head to kiss his way down my throat the same way he’d done in the entryway. I brought my knees up to curl around his hips, and had to bite down on my lip to keep from making any noises when he rested himself between my legs. Using his teeth to gently pull my lip free, he kissed the spot I’d been biting down on before sliding his tongue into my mouth to torture me with unhurried strokes.

Moving my hands up his muscled forearms, my fingers curled around his straining upper arms before sliding over his chest and down his stomach. Even through the material of his shirt I could feel the muscles in his stomach twitch from my touch, and with shaky hands, I pressed my fingers to the skin just above his shorts.

A growl rumbled in his chest, and his body moved a fraction closer. I curled my fingers against his skin, and suddenly his body was off mine and he was sitting next to me. Blue eyes dark with want, chest rising and falling quickly.

“I’m sorry,” I said automatically. I didn’t know what I’d done, but I knew whatever had just happened had to have been because of me.

“Don’t apologize,” he begged. “I can’t do this with you yet. Not when you just showed up here after there’s been so much between us that was unknown. Not when I’ve hurt you for twelve years, and still have so much to apologize for. Not when I don’t know what’s going on with Brett or when you were last with him.”

My forehead creased in confusion. “I just came from— Wait, like with him with him?” When Eli didn’t respond, I sat up and turned to face him. “I never did anything with Brett.”

“But he was at your apartment last week when I showed up . . .”

Was it ridiculous that I was fighting back a smile? It was so weird to have Eli look like I’d crushed him. “And he hadn’t even gotten there five minutes before. He brought me coffee. We kissed, and that’s it—your visit last week made things kind of awkward between us.”

“That’s not one of the things I’m going to apologize for.”

I made a face and sighed. “Last night when I left O’Malley’s, he came out there to take me home. He told me to think about everything over the weekend, and when I was ready, to go talk to him. He looked crushed because he’d already seen me cry over you too many times, and I think he knew that I wouldn’t choose him.” Looking into Eli’s eyes, I moved closer and he pulled me onto his lap, but his expression was subdued as he waited for me to continue. “I wanted to choose him, Eli. I wanted to, and I told him that . . . I freaked when he told me to think about things, because I knew what that implied. And you know what he said?”