Cemetery Street

"You sure?" Shannie asked.

"Absolutely. I don't have to look twice when it comes to those morons," I said, my feet still playing with the stones. "They couldn't have stolen the old lady, they were too busy mugging Main Street. Those idiots wouldn't miss the chance to piss off half of Beyford. The Halloween parade is their Super-Bowl."

"Then who stole the stiff?" Count asked.

I shrugged, Shannie scowled, Count rubbed his head, and Steve Lucas farted again. "If you don't knock it the fuck off," Count threatened the gaseous zombie, "I'm gonna rip your gotdamned thumb off and shove it up your ratty ass!"

"I'm not paying for stain removal," Shannie said icy eyed.

A thick, uneasy silence hovered over us. "We can't stand here all night scratching our nuts, we gotta do something," Count said.

"What are we going to do? Call the cops? Yes. I would like to report a stolen corpse," Shannie said into her outstretched pinky and thumb. "Yes, that's right officer. No, officer. We borrowed her. We stowed her in a storage shed. We took really good care of her, we even wrapped her in a tarp. That's right officer, but now a real body snatcher struck."

Count's, Steve Lucas's, and my eyes counted stones. "Let's get out of here," Shannie cried. "We don't have to worry about Mrs. Johnson wondering back here. "Like beaten dogs, we scurried out of the shed, heads and butts hanging low.

"That Clam Slammer!" Steve Lucas cried after we piled into the truck.

"What did you call me?" Shannie bristled.

'Not you. Janice!" Steve smacked his own forehead. "I've should have known! The Bitch set us up!

"What?" Count asked.

"Huh?" I mumbled.

Shannie glared at the mortician's son waiting for him to elaborate. "It was Janice's idea! She's the one who suggested stashing a stiff at Fernwood. Do you think I could think of something like that?"

"Why would Janice rip off a stiff?" Count asked. I shrugged.

"It's rush week," Steve said.

"What?" Count asked.

"Huh?" I repeated.

"She's applying for sorority membership, " Steve continued.

"So?" I asked curtly. Rush; Sorority; it was Greek to me. What did this have to do with a missing corpse? I couldn't make the connection. I was agitated, tired, hungry and wanted to go home.

"She wouldn't do that," Shannie spoke to Steve Lucas.