Bressant

The young man came to a sudden stop, and slowly lifted his head. Through

the sullen, unhappy, and resentful cloud that darkened his eyes, there

glimmered doubtfully a light such as can be reflected only from what is

most divine in man. It was a strange moment for it to appear, for at no

time had Bressant's moral level been so low as now; but, happily, the

phenomenon is by no means without precedent in human nature. God is

never ashamed to declare the share He holds in a sinner's heart, however

black the heart may be.

"No, no!" said he; and, as he said it, the first tears that he had ever

known glistened for a moment in his eyes; "such as I am, I must never

marry her."

The point on which this sudden and momentous resolve turned was so

subtle and delicately evanescent as scarcely to be susceptible of

clearer portrayal. To be consistent, the weight of his revengeful

sentiments should have been directed upon Sophie, for she it was who had

played the most effective part in changing his nature, and swerving him

from his cold but sublime ambitions. By teaching Bressant love, she

had, by implication, done him deadly injury, yet was the love itself so

pure and genuine as to prompt him to resign its object; he being

rendered unworthy of her by that same moral dereliction which she

herself had occasioned.

But the very quality which enables us to do a noble deed dulls our

appreciation of our own praiseworthiness. Bressant took no encouragement

or pleasure from what he had done; probably, also, his realization of

the extensive and fearful consequences of the action, to others as well

as to himself, was as yet but rudimentary; so soon as the momentary glow

was passed, he fell back into a yet darker mood than before, and felt

yet more adrift and reckless. To make a sacrifice is well, but does not

hinder the need of what is given up from crippling us.

Again the young man turned to the window, and, raising the sash, he

secured it by the little button used for the purpose, and leaned out

into the snow-storm. The flakes fell and melted upon his face, and

caught in his bushy beard, and rested lightly upon his twisted hair.

They flew into his eyes, and made little drifts upon the collar of his

coat and in the folds of his sleeves. He gazed up toward the dull, gray

cloud whence they came, and presently, out of the confusion, and

carelessness, and morbid impatience of his heart, he put forth a prayer

that some awfully stirring event might come to pass; let a sword pass

through his life! let him be smitten down and trampled upon! let his

mind be continually occupied with the extreme of active, living

suffering! let there be no cessation till the end! He could accept it

and exult in it; but to live on as he was living now was to walk

open-eyed into insanity. Rather than that, he would commit some capital

crime, and subject himself to the penalty. Let God take at least so much

pity upon him, and grant him physical agony!