Breathe into Me
Page 58I quickly tapped out a response.
No, Kane. We are done. I don’t want you to come over. I never want to see you again. You can tell Katie I said Hi … I hope she was worth it...
The tiny box that showed he was typing out a response to me popped up, but then quickly disappeared. I waited a few more seconds on him to respond, but he never did. He knew he had been caught and he had nothing left to say.
I picked myself up off the bathroom floor and turned on the shower. I wanted to cry, needed to cry. So I decided the shower was the best place to let it all out. It would mask my sobs from Jessi, and it would hide the obscene amount of tears from myself.
When the hot water of the shower was washing over my body, I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees. How could I have been so stupid? I wanted to give Kane the benefit of the doubt, that he had changed from the person he used to be … but I guess in the end he was just a good liar. He had lied to me, fooled me into believing he was someone that he was not; and I was an idiot to think that I would ever be enough to be able to hold onto a person like Kane Riley.
No. In the end, the temptation of other women won out, and I was left looking like a fool. I don’t know how long I has sat in the shower before muffled voices carried over the beat of water. I stood up and turned it off and listened for a second.
I could hear Jessi’s high-pitched voice as she yelled, followed by deep rumble of someone calling my name.
“I know she is here, Jessi, and I am going to talk to her about this!” Kane shouted. I didn’t want to face him, but I couldn’t let him keep screaming in the dorms like that. All it was going to do was cause Jessi and I trouble from the RA in the end.
“You asshole! How could you! And how dare you show up tonight after what you have done!”
I paused and waited for his reply.
“Jessi, you don’t get it. I’m not exactly sure what Kelsey saw but I have to talk to her and explain…”
“I don’t want, nor do I need, an explanation from you, Kane,” I said as I stepped around the bathroom door. My eyes immediately locked with his beautiful, gray eyes. I would miss staring at those eyes.
“Baby, listen, we have to talk about this. I don’t think you understand...”
I held up my hand to stop him. “Oh, I understand completely, Kane. I understand that I should have listened to what the people around here, the people who know you—know you better than I do—had to say about you. You never changed. You were just looking to have a good time with the new girl in town. Well, you have had your fun, and now I would like for you to leave.”
He took one step toward me with his hands extended. I smacked his hands away and took a step back. “Don’t touch me, Kane. Don’t ever touch me again. Don’t contact me, don’t think about me, and don’t come back here again. We are over. You did this. You did this to us. I can’t forgive you, I won’t. I need you to leave now.” My voice was becoming shaky and I knew the tears were about to fall, but I really didn’t want to cry in front of him.
I couldn’t stop the one, lone tear that fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheek just before Jessi pushed him out the door, slamming it in his face when he was finally back in the hallway. When the door was closed, she locked it but it didn’t stop the one, loud thump that came from the other side. I would assume it was from Kane hitting the door.
“Kelsey, I love you. I am going to fix this. You will see. I will fix this.”
I stood there a minute hugging myself. When it was finally quiet again, and it had seemed like Kane had finally gone home, I went to my bed and crawled in, pulling the covers up to my neck as I did. I didn’t even bother to shed my towel and put on some actual clothes. I was mentally exhausted, and I just wanted to go to sleep and pretend I had never met Kane Riley. Pretend I had not given him a part of me that I could never get back. My heart.
When I woke the next day, my eyes burned from the ridiculous amount of crying I had done throughout the night. I had cried over the loss of my first relationship. I cried over the loss of Kane, and the fact that I wouldn’t have him in my life anymore. He had become a regular part of my everyday life, and now I was going to have to find something new to distract me from thinking about him. But most of all, I cried over the fact that I was beginning to lose the me that I had worked so hard to find again.
When I finally sat up in bed, I saw that Jessi was already awake. Was I in a parallel universe? Jessi waking up before me … Jessi having a committed boyfriend … oh, how times had changed since we started college.
“Morning.” She gave me a small smile and came to sit on my bed with me. I pulled my legs up to my chest, then rested my chin on my knees.
“Morning. How long have you been awake? I can’t believe you are up so early.” I gave a small smile and she rested her hand on my arm.
I glanced at my alarm clock sitting on my nightstand. She was right. I had slept most of the day. I sighed and flopped my body back onto my bed, “What is with me lately? I sleep all day. I make bad judgment about people.” I pulled the cover up over my head, “I’m just going to stay right here for the rest of my life. I obviously suck at life so why bother trying to fake it.”
Jessi jerked the cover away from my face and hovered over me. “You listen to me, Kelsey Rien. You are going to get through this. I know you have had a shitty hand dealt to you your whole life, and what Kane did just added to that, but you are stronger than this. You will get through this.”
She was right. I was stronger than this stupid break up. I refused to let Kane and this whole situation drag me back into the dark place I had found so hard to get out of. “You’re right, Jessi. You are so right. I am going to dust this off. Kane who?”
She smiled. “That is exactly right. Kane who? You just wait, babe. If you thought relationship sex was good, wait until you have tried your hand at rebound sex.” She winked and I cringed.