Breathe into Me

Well there was a fun fact I didn’t know. I never really thought to ask him where he lived. Even though the thought should have crossed my mind after the story Nate had told me about Kane leaving the frat and all.

We exited the front doors to the bar and made our way down the sidewalk. When he started pulling me down a dark alleyway, I paused and started to pull my hand from his. There was no light except for a small, yellow bulb at the top of a stairway attached to the side of the building that the bar was located in.

It wasn’t as though I was scared of the dark, but places like this creeped me out—and it would creep out any sane person really. We’ve all seen those movies where the dumb girl goes off into the dark hallway and the killer is lurking in the shadows somewhere before he jumps out and grabs her. It was that type of darkness. Chills ran down my spine at the thought of the man from the bar hiding somewhere in the shadows.

Kane stopped when I pulled my hand from his, and turned to look at me. “What is it?” he asked.

I nodded toward the alley. “It’s really dark.”

He took my hand in his again. “I’m so used to it that I guess I don’t realize that it could be a little freaky for others. It’s okay, Kelsey. I’m here with you now. I would never let anything happen to you. If I hadn’t been such a dumbass, what happened in the bar would have never happened. But I can promise you now that I can make damn sure it never happens again.”

He was brushing his thumb over my knuckles so vigorously that they were starting to feel a bit raw. Out of instinct I reached out with my other hand and placed it against his cheek. His expression softened and he covered his hand with mine.

“I’m fine, Kane, really. I feel safe with you. It may be crazy but I have since the moment we met.”

He smiled as he pulled my hand from his cheek and laid it against his chest where his heart was. Even through his shirt I could feel its steady beat.

“I’m so glad I met you, Kelsey. From the moment I saw you in the café that day, your face has been stuck in my head. Even when I closed my eyes to sleep … all I saw was your beautiful face. I thought it was crazy since I didn’t even know you.”

Oh I knew exactly what he was talking about. Since the moment I had laid eyes on Kane, he had consumed my every thought. I had been just chalking it up to him being so different from any other guy I had ever met before. Back home, tattoo sleeves and facial piercings were just not the norm, but he sure wore them well.

This past week with Kane had really shown a side of him I would have never known existed had I not taken the time to get to know him. It was the little things he would do; like holding the door open for not only me, but for anyone else who would also be behind us. And one day we had gone to the market closest to campus so I could restock mini fridge in Jessi’s dorm room and mine, I had been talking my time browsing over every pop tart flavor known to man when Kane walked away from me.

At first I thought he was tired of standing there waiting on me to finally make my decision, but I was surprised to find he had actually just walked the short distance to the front of the aisle to help an older lady who was desperately trying to reach a box that was placed on one of the higher shelves.

Guys who took the time help others like that couldn’t be the awful womanizer type that some people were portraying Kane to be, could they?

The sound of giggles and then someone clearing their throat pulled me away from the memories from this last week. When I looked to where the sound had come from, I saw Jessi and Landon standing off to the side of the ally, staring at Kane and me. I realized then why they had those shocked, yet pleasantly surprised looks on their faces—Kane and I were still standing toe-to-toe with one of my hands in his, and my other pressed against his chest.

I nervously took a step back away from Kane. For a few more seconds he continued to hold my hand until I gently pulled it free from his grasp. I didn’t miss the way his expression turned slightly irritated before the corners of his mouth dipped down into a frown.

“We were just checking to see if Kelsey might want a ride home.” Landon wavered a bit, as if he were nervous.

I heard Kane sharply inhale before Landon went on.

“I was taking Jessi back to the dorms, and we thought we would go ahead and take Kelsey. Save you the trouble and all.”

Kane stood there in silence for a few seconds—seconds that felt more like an eternity—before answering. “I don’t mind taking her … but she can do whatever she wants.” He finally turned to look at me. There was something about his expression, as if he was testing me. But, stupidly, when I opened my mouth to speak, my insecurities got the best of me.

“Well since they are already on their way there, I guess I will just catch a ride with them. No sense in dragging you out.”

The disappointed look on his face let me know I had failed his test and the whatever he huffed before turning and heading up his stairs, was the bright red pen marking my forehead with a huge F.

I watched him stomp up his stairs, but before he entered his apartment, he gave me one last look. There was no mistaking the hint of sadness in his eyes, and right there, in that ally … I wanted to die.

The next morning when I woke, I laid in my bed and stared at my ceiling. My dreams of what might have happened had I actually made it up to Kane’s apartment, had made me restless. Was I even ready for something like that? I didn’t want to be those type of girls that fall so hard and fast for a guy they just met, but here I was falling for Kane.

His experience scared me though. I wasn’t ready to go and jump in his bed. Was he expecting that from me? Was he expecting that if he had actually got me in his apartment last night? I would like to think no. When I was with Kane, I was one hundred percent comfortable. But when I was away from him, the little thoughts of doubt crept into my mind and it was hard to get rid of them. Doubts about his true intentions with me. Doubts about if I would even be enough for him.

I laid there for a few more minutes, having an internal tug of war with myself over Kane before deciding a nice hot shower might help calm the struggle going on inside me. After stepping out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me and walked over to the mirror. With my hand, I wiped the condensation from it and stared at the girl reflected back at me. I still looked like the scared twelve-year-old girl from six years ago.

If my mom were still here, she would know exactly what to do about the Kane situation. My mom always knew the right things to say … but she wasn’t here, and it was partially my fault.