Breathe into Me

Jessi pulled her car up in front of an old, red brick building with a black awning and big, blocky, white letters that read Inner City Ink. Even after the pep talk we’d just had, I couldn’t shake the nervous feelings that were swirling around inside me. I mean, there was a guy in there somewhere, holding a little humming machine with a needle attached to one end that was about to go plunging over and over into my skin. You see my dilemma now, don’t you?

Seriously, what kind of person can think up something like this? Was it some crazy individual who went to the doctor when he was sick, got a shot and decided, “Hey, that felt fucking amazing! How about we do it over and over again at about 10,000 revolutions per minute, add some ink, and make some art!” Yeah, I bet it all went down a little something like that.

A tap on the window jolted me out of my panicked musing, and I turned to see Jessi standing on the other side—I hadn’t even heard her get out of the car.

“Come on, chicken shit. We’re here now. Let’s do this.”

I considered locking the door and pouting until she gave in and took me back to the dorm, but she had the key fob for her car, and I knew my fight would be in vain. We were already there, and Jessi had her mind set on getting those tattoos. We’d talked about getting them for years; she would make sure we followed through.

Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the door handle and opened the car door. A warm breeze washed over me when I placed one foot on the ground, and my eyes closed as my mind drifted back to warm summer days—lying on a blanket with my mom, blowing dandelion after dandelion, and watching the seeds fly and swirl above us.

“Where do you think they will go?” I asked her. I was talking about the seeds, but she knew that. She always knew everything. If I was sick, she always knew what would make me feel better. If I was hurt, she knew the right song I needed to hear to make me forget about my pain.

She placed her warm hand over mine, and I turned to face her.

“Anywhere and everywhere my sweet, Kelsey. They are free now to go off and have adventures of their own—and do you know who set them free to do so?”

I shook my head.

“You did, my sweet girl. They were stuck here on the ground with us and just one tiny breath from you has them flying high and free as the birds.” She smiled.

“I wish I could fly like that,” I sighed as I turned to watch the tiny little seeds flitter off into the distance.

“Me too, baby, me too.”

I crooked my head to look at her again. For a brief second, I could have sworn I saw a hint of sadness in her eyes; but it was gone as soon as I noticed it. Her bright smile was back, and I didn’t think about anything else—except her, the dandelions, the birds, and me.

I opened my eyes to the dingy, red brick building. What I wouldn’t have given to go back to times when all I had to think about was setting those tiny seeds free. With the memory fresh in my mind, I was more sure than ever about the design I’d chosen to mark my body with forever. There was still nervousness—but it was due to the fear of the pain, not the fear of making a mistake.

I’m going to do this … I’m going to do this for her.

The shop was cleaner than I had imagined it would be—like, it was impeccably clean. There was a scent of disinfectant in the air, and the whole place had a sterile feel to it; making me feel a great deal more relaxed. The hum of the tattoo machines could be heard from down a hall that was just off the waiting room, and a dark-haired girl with bright purple streaks running through her hair was sitting behind the desk.

She glanced up at us and smiled. “Welcome to Inner City Ink. My name is Melody. Can I help you ladies with anything?” Her voice was so light and sweet, again, not what I had been expecting.

I need to stop being so judgy all the time. I mean, isn’t that how my life was before I came here? People always judging and assuming they knew me, just because they knew what had happened to me?

“Yes, Landon sent us. We have appointments with Lucas. Jessi”—She pointed her well-manicured finger at her own chest—“and Kelsey.” Jessi then leaned a little closer to Melody, “Kelsey being the one hiding back there.” She chucked her thumb in the direction where I’d been standing a few feet behind her.

Melody glanced down at the book lying on the counter in front of her. “Yeah, I see it right here. If you want to have a seat for just a few minutes, I will go let him know you ladies are here and he will be right with you.” She smiled again before heading out of the room.

I walked over and sat on one of the black sofas they had in the waiting area and began scrolling through my phone absentmindedly, needing the distraction. Jessi plopped down beside me, and nudged my shoulder with hers.

“You ready for this girlie? If you’re really not sure about this, Kels, we don’t have to do it. You know I was joking, don’t you? I would never force you to do something you are uncomfortable with. You know that right?” The smile she’d had all day began wavering just a bit.

I took her hand in mine and tried to assure her. “I know, Jessi. And, yes, I’m sure about this. At first I wasn’t, but I’m happy with the tattoo I have picked out. I know I won’t regret this in the long run.”

She nodded, wrapped her arms around my neck, and squeezed. “I love you, Kels. You’re my best friend. I wish so hard that I could change so many things in your past, but I can’t. The only thing I know that I can give you is me and my friendship.” She paused and pulled back, looking me in the eye. “I will always be here for you, Kels. I know you think you’re all alone in the big ‘ol world now, but you’re not. You never have been. Where you go, I go ‘til the end, babe.”

I looked at my best friend’s face—I mean really looked at her. She’d meant every word from the bottom of her heart … I knew she did. While I loved her and her family dearly, they weren’t my real family. I would be forever grateful to them for taking me in when they didn’t have to, but I had no family. Just shattered memories and regrets.

“You must be Jessi and Kelsey,” a deep voice drew our attention, and we twisted to see a man standing in the doorway. With the exception of him being covered in tattoos, and the fact that he had an eyebrow piercing, I would have sworn it was Landon standing there looking at us.

Oh boy, to have been in his head when he came into the room and saw two girls just sitting on the couch in his waiting area, hugged up together and staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Yeah, he probably thinks we’re ten kinds of crazy right about now.