Blindness

We get to the front door, and he holds it open for me while I walk out. The cold air blasts me in the face instantly. Cody notices my shiver, and his arm is around me tightly again, pulling me into his body even more.

“So, I was saying we need to take your car. My truck’s in need of some new brakes, and I don’t want to get us in any trouble on the country roads,” he says.

“Oh, sure. No problem,” I respond, reaching into my purse to hand Cody my keys. He takes them in his hand and squeezes them, like he’s surprised that I would trust him with this so quickly. Truth is, I probably trust him more than anyone in my life—and that’s part of the problem.

Cody runs to the door and opens it to let me in. Once I’m inside, he dashes around the front to the driver’s side and turns the engine over to get the heat going, but he quickly jumps back out. “Be right back,” he says, shutting the door.

I watch him run, almost smoothly, up the drive to his steps. He’s back in seconds with a black leather jacket, and as soon as he gets back in the car, he drapes it over my lap. I pinch my brow a little, not sure what he means. Are my legs too exposed? Is the sweater too short?

“Cold. You looked cold. I wanted to make sure you were warm enough tonight, so I thought you could use my jacket,” he says, shrugging it off, and looking back to the front while he shifts the car into drive.

I look down at his jacket and start to feel it, thinking about all of the times Cody’s worn it—how much of his life has been lived in this jacket, before I knew him. It’s soft, and when I tuck my hands into the sleeves to feel the warmth, it’s comforting and smooth. I pull it up my lap to my chest, pretending that I’m using it to warm up when all I really want to do is smell it. Once I do, I’m flooded with memories of the night I spent in Cody’s arms—it smells just like him, like his room, his shop, and everything about him. I think he may have a hard time getting it back.

The car ride to the haunted house is long and quiet. Cody and Gabe mentioned it was on the other side of town, but it’s actually on the outskirts of the other side of town, in Kent. The entire trip takes about 30 minutes; most of the ride is dark, and along a road I’ve never been on. I keep glancing at Cody, trying to find a conversation starter, but I can’t seem to get the nerve. The quiet isn’t helping, either, giving me time to think about my upcoming trip to Washington, and my relationship with Trevor.

Two months ago, I was stashing away wedding magazines, and pining after a proposal. But suddenly I find myself hoping like hell it doesn’t come. All I want now is time. Even if the responsible thing to do is to stay with Trevor, to finish out this thing that I once thought was such a fairytale—I want these few stolen moments of what if. I’ve never had doubts, but then again, I’ve never felt temptation.

I’ve never really felt.

We pull up to the large dirt lot packed with cars and spotlights powered by loud generators, and I’m chewing my fingernails raw with worry. Cody turns the motor off and holds the keys up for me. “Want me to hang onto them?” he says, a nervous smile playing out on his face.

“Yeah. Thanks,” I say. The confidence I was filled with when he first saw me was drained during the stressful ride over here. Too much time to think, time to think about all I’m risking. I’m suddenly afraid; this diversion I’m on, this journey, is dangerous and a bad idea. I’m almost thinking of excuses to end the evening early.

Then I feel him.

I feel him.

It’s amazing what his touch does. He’s at my door and grabbing my hand, refusing to let it go once I’m standing, and instead threading our fingers together like it’s normal, something we’ve always done.

Like he’s mine, and I’m his.

I can’t help but notice the smile on his face when we approach the entrance to meet up with Gabe. He’s proud, but not like I’m some checkbox he’s accrued to meet the standards of those he’s trying to impress. I know it isn’t fair to think—Trevor’s never really made me feel like arm candy. Actually, we’ve always felt like a team. But for some reason, when I’m with Cody, it gives my relationship with Trevor new perspective, and it’s starting to feel a lot less like love.

As we walk up, Gabe nudges his arm into a girl with dark purple hair and a nose ring. I can’t help but flinch when I see her eyes zero in and scowl at my hand in Cody’s. I’m defensive, and find myself pulling in closer to him. I pretend it’s just the cold, but it’s really my irrational fear of judgment from this girl I don’t even know.