Black Night
Page 50I shrugged. “I didn’t either.”
“We probably should have suspected after we overheard him on the phone,” Beezle said.
“Right. Sneaking around behind Azazel,” I replied.
“If he could do that, he could do anything,” Beezle said.
“Yes,” I said faintly.
He flew to me, hovered in front of me, put his tiny claws on my cheeks. “It’s okay to cry.”
“Okay,” I said, and I did.
After a good cry, and a thorough washing in the shower in which I scrubbed everywhere Nathaniel touched at least a thousand times, I curled up in bed with the blankets over me and my eyes wide open. Try as I might, I couldn’t sleep a bit. Beezle didn’t sleep either, maintaining a watch over the connecting door despite the fact that we’d hooked a chair under the doorknob.
When the first rays of dawn trickled in through the window, I sat up in bed and threw the blankets off, done with the pretense of trying to sleep.
“I’m not hungry,” I said.
I didn’t want food. I wanted Gabriel. If he had been here, Nathaniel never would have even tried to hurt me. If Gabriel had been here, I would never have been alone with Nathaniel in the first place.
But you took care of yourself, didn’t you? I thought. Well, yes, I had. When it came down to it, I didn’t need to cower behind a big, strong man. But it would be nice to have a partner to lean on, and that was what Gabriel was to me. When he was with me, I felt all the broken, empty parts of me were filled, and just at that moment it seemed like there were more broken and empty parts than usual.
I walked to the window, looked down at the hustle and bustle in the courtyard. It appeared that more parties were arriving at Amarantha’s court. Several black limousines were lined up near the front door.
I wondered if Wade had told Amarantha what had happened last night, and I wondered where Gabriel was now, if he was safe, if I would ever be able to find him.
I noticed J.B. walking arm in arm with Violet as they greeted the new arrivals. I felt that little flutter in my chest that I had felt the day before, the one that had felt like jealousy, and I knew that it was unfair. If I wasn’t going to date J.B., then I couldn’t be upset if he chose someone else.
But really, the catty part of me whispered, couldn’t he have chosen someone better than Violet? I guess she was okay if you wanted a great body and a snotty personality, but I’d always thought J.B. had more depth than that.
“And really, don’t you have enough man issues without adding J.B. to the mix?” I mumbled to myself.
I turned to answer him and found him digging in the carry-on bag full of snacks that I’d brought. Empty wrappers and banana peels were strewn on the floor. In the few moments that I’d been at the window he had devoured more than half the food I’d brought.
“Beezle!” I shouted, and he looked up at me guiltily. “That food needs to last three days!”
“I can’t help it,” he whined. “You know I’m a nervous eater. And this stuff isn’t exactly nutrient dense, you know. Not like a slice of cake, say, or a doughnut.”
“I think you need to reexamine the definition of ‘nutrient,’” I said. “I packed that stuff because it was nutrient dense.”
“Yes, but where is the fat and the sugar? When did you decide to get on a health kick?”
I rolled my eyes and turned away to dress. I didn’t want to spend time explaining to Beezle that healthy foods were easier to pack and that we shouldn’t be eating so many doughnuts anyway. It didn’t matter if he ate the whole sack of food in any case. I wasn’t sure I would ever feel like eating again.
Whenever I thought of what had happened the night before, a ball of shame burned in my stomach. I knew that it was Nathaniel who should feel ashamed, and that I had done nothing wrong. But I felt humiliated and helpless, even though I had defended myself.
I never thought it would happen to me. Maybe because I’d spent so much time sheltered from other people. Maybe because I’d thought Nathaniel would always respect Azazel even if he didn’t respect me. I guess everyone thinks it will never happen to them.
My mouth and cheek were bruised where Nathaniel had hit me. I did my best with the cover-up but everyone was going to know I had been hit.
Beezle fluttered up to my shoulder and landed there. He squeezed his claws comfortingly. “No one has to know.”
“They’ll know something happened,” I replied.
“Just glare if anyone tries to ask. You are royalty, after all. You don’t have to answer questions if you don’t want to.”
I practiced my best haughty do-not-speak-to-me-youpeasant look in the mirror. It might put off strangers, but I shuddered to think what J.B. would say when he saw me.
Then I took a deep breath and went out of the room, where I promptly managed to get lost.
After much rushing around hallways listening to Beezle’s useless directions and not seeing anyone to help me, I spotted Jude coming out of a guest room. Great. My least favorite wolf. But at least he would be able to point me toward the throne room—I hoped.