Bite Me If You Can (Argeneau #6)
Page 15"I don't need help," Lucian said, facing his nieces and nephews with irritation.
The groceries were unpacked and Leigh took her purchases upstairs. The moment she left, his family announced they were there to help him "land Leigh."
Thank you, Rachel, he thought with irritation. Honestly, his life had been easier when she'd still been angry with him, and he briefly wondered how to make it happen again.
"It won't happen again. I know you now," Rachel said with amusement, drawing a glare from him.
"Will you stop reading my mind, woman!" he snapped.
Rather than look cowed, the redhead grinned, unrepentant.
He was ruined, Lucian realized with dismay. His reputation as a hardass lay in tatters, and every last one of his nieces and nephews were smiling at him as if he was the cutest damned thing they'd ever seen. It was humiliating.
"I am a hardass," Lucian said coldly, as if they had openly disputed it.
"Of course you are, Uncle. And none of us would want to anger you, or you'd surely prove it," Lissianna said solemnly. She was blond, tall, and normally willowy. Her pregnancy was showing, however, and it alarmed Lucian how big she was. He was afraid if she didn't have this child soon, it would explode from her belly like a stripper out of a cake... and probably already walking and talking.
"But at the moment you need our help," Etienne said. He glanced around at the others, then shrugged and added, "And we want to help."
"I've taken care of the matter myself. I don't need your help," Lucian repeated firmly.
A moment passed as the quintet exchanged glances, then Rachel asked suspiciously, "How have you taken care of it?"
"That's none of your business," he said abruptly, knowing better than to even think about the purchase he'd made that day. If they were reading his mind and he let it even enter his head, they'd know about the books. He didn't want that.
He felt the focus of five pairs of eyes lock on his head, and five minds trying to rifle through his own. He did his damnedest to shut them out and keep them from reading anything.
"You can still lock us out," Rachel said with surprise.
"He's concentrating real hard," Etienne commented, then assured them, "He can't keep it up. It will slip out once he relaxes."
Rachel shifted impatiently, and Lucian knew she wasn't pleased with the idea of having to wait. Standing abruptly, she asked, "Would anyone like tea?"
Everyone assented, including Lucian, who then added, "We picked up some almond pastries Leigh assures me are good, if anyone feels like snacking." The five of them turned surprised smiles his way, and he scowled. "So, I'm eating now. I can eat, too. You all do."
"Yes, we do," Greg said soothingly.
"Stop being so defensive, Uncle," Lissianna chided. "Finding your life mate is a wonderful thing. It strengthens you."
"Yeah yeah," Lucian said with a sigh.
"Books!" Rachel said triumphantly, and his head snapped her way.
"You evil little witch, you brought up the offer of tea just to distract me so you could read my mind," he said, but there was little heat behind his words. Rather than anger, Lucian felt admiration. Etienne had himself a clever little gal on his hands.
"Thank you, Uncle Lucian." Rachel grinned, then turned and headed for the door. "I'll go put the tea on."
Lucian watched her go with a sigh, then glanced to Etienne as his nephew spoke.
"I'm glad you two have finally got past that first meeting, Uncle. It's been a bit awkward at times with her so angry at you."
He opened his mouth to answer, then stiffened as they heard a shriek of "Oh my God!" from the back of the house. He frowned toward the door, wondering what had made Rachel react like that, and then he knew. Springing to his feet before the others had even processed the sound fully, he sped from the room, nearly tripping over Julius in his haste.
Lucian's heart did a little stutter when he reached the hall and saw the door to the library open. He'd been right. Dammit.
"Rachel!" he snapped, striding into the room to find her pulling books out of the bookstore bags he'd put in there earlier. He'd done it while they were unloading groceries. Remembering that the books were still in the front foyer with Leigh's clothes, he had slid out briefly to move them into the library and out of sight before anyone could see them and comment.
Rachel had found them. Though whether she'd read their whereabouts in his mind or noticed him slipping out, he couldn't say.
"Put those down," Lucian growled.
"What are they?" Etienne asked, and Lucian turned to see that everyone had followed him and were now crowding into the library, eyeing the books curiously.
"His idea of taking care of the matter," Rachel said with disgust and -- much to his dismay -- began to read the titles as she pulled the books from the bag. "Understanding Women... How to Chat Up Women... How to Pick Up Beautiful Women... The Complete Asshole's Guide to Handling Chicks?" Her voice rose at the end in question and she turned to peer at him with disbelief.
Lucian shifted uncomfortably, his voice stiff as he said, "Carl said it has some good tips for non-asshole-type guys, too."
Lucian heard a snicker behind him and turned to glare over his shoulder. Unfortunately, he couldn't tell who it had come from, so he just glared at all of them.
"It gives advice on other things. Like stuff to say and what to learn that will impress her... like dancing," Lucian muttered, struggling to recall what Carl had said about the book.
"The Rules of the Game... The System, How to Get Laid Today?" Rachel continued, her voice dripping with disgust.
Lucian crossed his arms and glared to the side, refusing to comment or even look at her. Then a soft sound from her drew his gaze back. Rachel had frozen with two new books in hand. Her eyes were wide as she gaped at them.
He stiffened. He didn't need her to read the titles, he knew what they were. They were the only ones left. His humiliation was about to be completed, he realized with a sinking heart.
"What is it?" Thomas asked.
Much to Lucian's surprise, Rachel hesitated, then shoved the books back in the bag and shook her head. "Never mind."
"Oh, no way!" Thomas rushed forward and snatched the bag from her. Pulling out the first book, he gave a little whoop of amusement, then read, "The Art of Seduction!"
Lucian struggled to keep his face expressionless, but inside he felt about two inches tall.
Thomas tossed the book on the desk with the others Rachel had pulled out, retrieved the other one and said, "And the last one is... How to Satisfy Her Every Time."
Thomas's voice had slowed and become less amused and more quiet with each word. When he closed his mouth, the room fell into a complete and uncomfortable silence. No one seemed to want to look at anyone else.
"It has been a while," Lucian said finally, his voice stiff as he broke the silence.
"And you want to please her," Greg said quietly as he crossed the room. He took the book from Thomas and returned it to the bag. "That's understandable."
"Yeah," Etienne echoed.
"I think it's sweet." Lissianna patted his shoulder.
"But I don't think the book is necessary," Greg added. "I realize that the length of time since you've... er... indulged in... er... well... you may be feeling inadequate, but -- " He paused to ask curiously, "How long has it been?"
Lucian hesitated, then admitted, "I haven't indulged -- as you put it -- since the Romans left Britain."
Shocked expressions covered every face and silence filled the room, then Greg cleared his throat and said, "That's... a long time."
"I know," Lucian said miserably. He'd be lucky if the damn thing worked.
"Well... " Greg cleared his throat. "I'm sure it will be fine. It's like riding a bike -- "
He stopped abruptly when a burst of laughter slipped from Thomas. Before anyone could comment, Thomas covered his mouth and turned away, muttering, "Sorry."
"You'll remember what to do," Greg finished.
"I do remember what to do," Lucian snapped. "I just wanted... Carl said they had some tips... "
"Who is this Carl?" Rachel asked.
"The clerk at the bookstore. He helped me choose the books," Lucian said stiffly.
"The bookstore cashier? What was he? Twelve?" Rachel asked with disgust, then gestured to the books stacked on the desk and said, "These aren't going to help you, Uncle. They're crap."
She picked up one of the books, rifled through it, paused and snorted, then read aloud, "'Don't buy them a meal until they sleep with you.'"
Lucian frowned. He'd already blown that rule. He'd bought Leigh both breakfast and lunch and a snack in between. He glanced to Rachel as she tossed the book aside and grabbed another.
"Oh this is good. 'Always remain in control,'" she read. "'Of the situation, the date, the relationship, the woman '?"
She tsked with disgust, but Lucian relaxed a little. He could do that.
Rachel grabbed another book, but didn't even bother to open it. She just held it up and said, "The Layguide, Uncle?"
"He's supposed to be an expert," Lucian argued.
"An expert? He's probably single," she derided. "Besides, sleeping with a handful of women doesn't make you an expert on them. I sleep with Etienne all the time and still don't know a damned thing about men. None of you make sense to me. Why would you think these books could help you?"
"She's right, Uncle," Etienne said. "These books are all about how a man can get some action. Not on how to get a mate."
"Exactly," Rachel agreed. "And trust me. The only expert on a woman is another woman. You guys don't even think like we do, your brains are built completely differently."
"Oh no?" Rachel asked. "What is the first thing you do when you get lost on a road trip?"
"I don't get lost," Lucian said dryly.
"Right." She rolled her eyes. "But if you did?"
"You can't get lost," Lucian explained dryly. "If you have even a basic idea of where you're headed -- north, south, east, west -- you just keep going in the direction -- "
"Exactly," Rachel said dryly as if he'd just proven her point. "A woman doesn't think like that."
"She'd stop the moment she realized she was lost and ask for directions," Lissianna announced.
"Ask for directions? Well, that's... " Lucian muttered under his breath, then said, "This isn't about directions, it's about getting a woman."
"No," Greg said quietly. "It's about winning Leigh."
"And these books are about getting laid," Rachel said, waving to them again. Then she peered at him solemnly and said, "Trust me, any guy can get laid any day of the week. This is the twenty-first century, there are willing women everywhere. Every night, men around the world get lucky because some drunk female is lonely and thinks he looks a bit like Jude Law or some other actor. It's only an idiot who thinks it's his technique and his taking control. News flash! The man is never in control. The woman is the gateway. She says yes or no... unless it's rape. And then he isn't getting any, he's taking it. That's why they call rape a power crime."
"Yes," Lucian said. "But these books teach you how to be charming and -- "
"You already are charming," Rachel said, and the room went silent as the others turned toward her with disbelief. Blinking as she realized what she'd said, Rachel frowned. "Well, maybe not charming exactly, but you're fair and you care about your family and love them and... "
She seemed at a loss, then rallied and said, "Look, these won't help you. Frankly, I suspect all these books really teach a man is how to avoid women they aren't likely to get into bed, and to move on to the ones who are interested."
"Well, Leigh doesn't seem interested in me at all," Lucian muttered.
"Of course not. Once bitten, twice shy. Kenny hurt her. You need to show her you would never do that. You need to show her that you can be gentle and caring."
"Rachel's saying you should be yourself," Greg added quietly. "You should be who you are, not act like some book says you should."
"But what if she doesn't like who I am?" Lucian asked with frustration.
Silence filled the room and they all stared at him wide-eyed.
"She's going to love you, Uncle Lucian," Lissianna said quietly, moving to his side to rub his back, as if she thought he needed soothing.
"Yeah," Thomas agreed. "You have the life mate thing going for you, Uncle."
"You're meant to be together," Rachel reminded him. "You just have to show her that."
Lucian shifted. It wasn't the first time they'd said that, but they hadn't told him how to show her that he was gentle and caring and they were meant to be together. Maybe he should just read the books and see if they had any tips about --
"Please trust me, Lucian," Rachel said, interrupting his thoughts. "Those books have nothing to do with proving you're gentle and caring."
"Well, then what am I supposed to do? I took her to breakfast today, then shopping, and helped her pick out clothes. I enjoyed it and thought she did, too, but... "
"But?"
"But then we stopped at my place to pick up clothes, and Bricker and Mortimer were there and she hugged them both and laughed with them and they were flirting like crazy. She doesn't flirt with me, or hug me, or anything."
"Maybe it's easier to flirt with Bricker and Mortimer because she doesn't care for them," Greg suggested, then shrugged and added, "Some people can't flirt with someone they're attracted to."
"And she is attracted to you," Etienne assured him.
"How do you know?" Lucian asked.
"You're not the only one we can read. Her mind's an open book," Rachel said, rolling her eyes. "Half-naked images of you kept popping into her head while we were talking to her. It was really quite alarming."
"Leigh seems to think you have a fine ass," Etienne informed him. "She kept seeing your butt in tight black jeans in her mind's eye over and over."
"Yeah?" Lucian asked with interest. He had the sudden urge to go look at his butt in a mirror to see what she liked about it, but restrained himself. He'd done quite enough to look like an idiot in the eyes of these young people today. He then recalled that they could all read his mind and realized that he'd just made himself look like an ass again.
"She likes your chest, too," Rachel announced, passing up the opportunity to make fun of him. "She thinks it's hunky."
"Hunky?" Lucian glanced down at his chest and flexed his muscles a little.
"I think what we need to do is get the two of you into a more relaxed, social atmosphere," Greg announced.
"The Night Club."
"The Night Club?" he echoed with a frown.
"You could both relax, dance -- "
"I don't dance," Lucian announced.
"Surely for Leigh... ?"
"I don't know how to dance," he said more specifically.
"Oh." There was silence as everyone glanced at each other, then Rachel stood.
"Okay, you boys teach him how to dance, and Lissianna and I will go get Leigh ready for the night ahead."
Lucian opened his mouth to protest, and Rachel said, "Do you want Leigh? Even that book of yours said learning to dance would be good."
He closed his mouth, unable to argue with that logic, then watched unhappily as the two women left.
"So? Who's going to be the girl for these dance lessons?" Thomas asked, and Lucian turned to stare at him with horror.
"I think you just volunteered," Etienne announced. "What do you think, Greg?"
"Sounded like it to me," Greg agreed.
"Oh, no way -- " Thomas began.
"Thomas, I've always wondered why it is that you're all 'dude' and 'man' when Lucern and Bastien are here, but not around the rest of us. Why is that?" Greg asked, then added, "And do they know this?"
"That's blackmail!" Thomas cried.
"Yeah." Greg grinned, then turned to Lucian and suggested, "Just imagine him in a skirt."
"How do I look?" Leigh peered nervously in the mirror, her eyes on the two women reflected beside her. Lissianna was on her left; tall, blond, beautiful, and very, very pregnant. Rachel stood on her right in the reflection; also tall, at least taller than she was, red-haired and gorgeous. Then there was herself in the middle; shorter, but looking pretty darned hot if she said so herself. Well, hot for her.
Lissianna and Rachel had insisted she wear the pink, off-the-shoulder cowl and a pair of cream-colored suede pants. Her hair was in the bob she'd worn for the last two years, but it shone and almost glowed with life, as did her skin. The only makeup she had on was lipstick and eye shadow, and she looked better than she ever had with foundation and blush and all that gunk. She didn't need it. The nanos made her look like a million bucks without it.
"You look lovely," Lissianna said, and gave her a quick hug.
Rachel nodded and said, "You're gonna knock him dead."
Leigh made a face in the mirror at the prediction. Lissianna and Rachel had just spent several hours enlightening her about things that Lucian neglected to mention. None of it was anything she blamed him for bypassing.
Considering his discomfort at finding himself in the women's lingerie shop, she wasn't surprised that he couldn't bring himself to explain the differences she would find in female topics like monthlies or pregnancies. If he even knew what those were, she thought with amusement. But she was also terribly grateful that he hadn't told her about life mates, and explained the signs of them and what they meant.
Leigh had listened to Lissianna and Rachel rhapsodize about how wonderful it was to have a life mate, someone meant just for you, who couldn't read your mind and use it against you, but could project thoughts to you and you could project thoughts back to. Apparently, this was a skill Greg and Lissianna had just begun to develop between them and one Rachel couldn't wait to have.
Leigh even felt a touch of envy as the women expressed their happiness and pleasure in their relationships, explaining the difference in sex, how powerful it was, how it was the rare time when the minds could merge and that they shared their pleasure, mirroring it between them and bouncing it back and forth, stronger and stronger until it was almost unbearable. It sounded like a wondrous relationship, and she couldn't wait for it to happen. Then Rachel said, "It already has."
She had listened blankly as Rachel reminded her that Lucian couldn't read her, the first and main sign of a life mate. She'd then gone on to touch on things that Leigh hadn't realized, but that Rachel had worked out from reading both her and Lucian. It seemed her shower sex fantasy had been transmitted to Lucian while he slept... another sign. She was busy being embarrassed hearing that he knew what she'd been fantasizing, when Rachel informed her she hadn't had it alone, that once pulled into it, Lucian had joined in and taken control. Did she remember a point when her "fantasy lover" had done something unexpected and seemed to have a mind of his own? Well, Rachel told her, that's because he had.
That's when her envy and confusion gave way to fear. It was too soon; she hardly knew Lucian. Dear God, she'd married Kenny after dating for only six weeks, and look what a mistake that had been! She'd only know Lucian for a matter of days. Two, that she'd been conscious. That thought had shocked her. Two days? It felt like a lifetime. Lissianna had offered the solution. Just because they were life mates didn't mean they had to rush off and get married right away. They could date and get to know each other better until she felt secure in the relationship.
Leigh felt as if a huge mountain of pressure had slid from her shoulders then. Dating. Seeing each other. Going out for dinner, to movies, dancing... She could handle that. And heck, she lived in Kansas and Lucian in Canada. It would even be long distance dating. She could cope with that. Feeling better, she'd allowed them to help her dress herself up to go out to the Night Club.
Now, Leigh peered in the mirror at the two women framing her. They were watching her silently, probably listening to her thoughts as they patiently waited for her to decide she was ready.
Giving a nod, she turned from the mirror and moved toward the door, saying, "Let's go."
"It will be fun," Lissianna assured her. "It will give you two a chance to relax and have fun together."
Leigh murmured something that might have been taken as agreement and tried to squelch the nervousness bubbling toward the surface. Lissianna and Rachel had spent a good deal of time trying to tell her Lucian's good points and how wonderful he was while they'd helped her get ready, trying to build him up in her mind, but Kenny's family had thought he was the cat's meow, too. They hadn't had a clue. How a man would act as a son or brother or uncle just wasn't the same as how he would behave as a husband. She'd learned that the hard way.
"They were in the library when we came upstairs," Lissianna announced as they reached the bottom of the stairs, and Leigh turned that way, heading up the hall. In the lead as she was, Leigh was the one to open the door. She then froze, her eyes going wide.
The men were in the center of the library, Lucian holding Thomas in the classic dance style and Greg holding Etienne in the same way as the two "couples" rotated around the room. Greg was humming some waltz or other, and Lucian was murmuring "One two three, one two three" as he watched his feet and woodenly steered a miserable-looking Thomas around the room.