Big Boned

“It is, isn’t it? And you heard about the strike, right? Isn’t that great?” Then Muffy sobers. “Listen, I heard what happened to you last night. You’re okay, right? I can’t believe it was the ex-wife, and not that Blumenthal boy, all along. What a bitch!”

“Yeah,” I say. “Tell me about it.”

“She’s going to be all right, I hear. It was just a whadduyacallit. Flesh wound. They’ve got her in for psychiatric examination. Apparently that’s why Dr. Veatch left her in the first place. ’Cause she was a little batty in the old belfry. Poor man. I guess they’re going to go for an insanity defense. Well, they’re going to have to. I mean, to go postal like that, over wedding china? Hello? Oh my God, and did you hear the other thing? About Reverend Mark?”

I raise my eyebrows. “No. What?”

“Submitted his resignation,” Muffy says. “Just like that. No one knows why. I mean, I know there was some kind of misunderstanding last night at the memorial service with that cute friend of yours. But for him to resign! Do you have any idea why he’d do that?”

I can’t help it. I’m grinning ear to ear. “No idea. I guess he just figured it was time to move on.”

“I guess,” Muffy says. “But what a shame! He was so cute! Thank God for that other friend of yours, Tad. I mean, at least there’s ONE good-lookin’ guy left on campus. He’s a real sweetie pie. Well, except for the vegan thing. But I’ll have him cured of that lickety split. I cannot date a guy who doesn’t appreciate my mama’s fried chicken recipe, know what I mean? Anyway, he wants to meet for a run tonight after work, so I figured I better whip myself into shape, you know? I’ve completely let myself go. Anyway, I better get goin’. Now that the strike’s over, I’ll be working on the president’s initiative to improve New York College’s image in the media. I guess we need it, what with all the murders that go on all over the campus. I’ve got to do somethin’ about the fact that they call that place you work in the Death Dorm. That is just ridiculous. Well, ta ta.”

Muffy jogs away. I look after her, admiring the way she keeps her uterus from falling out as she runs.

Some women are just lucky that way, I guess.

I reach Fischer Hall and pull open the door. The first thing I see is Julio, buffing the Rollerblade scuffs on the marble floor.

“Welcome back,” I say to him.

He just shakes his head sadly. “Look at this,” he says, looking down at the scuffs. “It is disgusting.”

“Yes,” I say happily. “It is, isn’t it?”

I get a few more feet inside before I run into Jamie, hurrying off somewhere.

“Heather!” she cries, brightening at the sight of me. “Did you hear?”

“About Reverend Mark?” I nod. “I sure did. Congratulations. You scared him away.”

“Not about that,” she says, waving a hand in a pooh-poohing gesture. “Although that rocks. No, it’s about my dad. He’s dropped the charges against Gavin. I guess Chief O’Malley convinced him he didn’t really have a case. So now your friend Cooper’s going to get all that money he posted for Gavin’s bail back.”

I smile at her. “Oh,” I say. “That wasn’t Cooper’s money. It was from a bail bondsman. Cooper just put down ten percent.”

Jamie frowns. “No,” she says. “That’s what he told you, but I was standing right there when he paid it. You were over talking to Gavin, so maybe you didn’t notice. But he paid the whole amount. He asked Chief O’Malley if a personal check was all right, and he said it was, just this one time. So Cooper paid it all.”

I stare at her. Then I smile.

Then I burst out laughing.

Jamie looks at me like I’m a mental case. “Uh,” she says. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting Gavin for a film shoot he’s doing uptown. I’ll tell him you said hi, and, um, see you later, Heather.”

I’m still laughing as I turn around and see Pete behind the security desk. He grins at me.

“What’s so funny?” he wants to know. Then he glances at his watch. “Hey, what do you know? It’s a new world record! Right on time! And what’s this? No enormous caffeinated beverage laden with whipped cream? What gives?”

“I just didn’t feel like it this morning. I am so glad to see you back where you belong,” I say. “You have no idea—”

I rush at him, and impulsively throw my arms around his neck. Startled, Pete hugs me back, awkwardly patting me on the back.

“Whoa, I have a pretty good idea,” he says. “Jesus Christo!A lady tries to shoot you, and you go all girlie on me! What’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing,” I say, pulling back and just standing there, blinking down at him with tears in my eyes. I’ve completely lost it, but I don’t care. I’m just so glad to see him, and that everything’s back to normal. And yet, not back to normal. A new normal—the best new normal there could be.

“Yeah,” Pete says, cocking a finger, then twirling it around by the side of his head to indicate to the student worker behind the reception desk that he thinks I’ve lost my mind. “Can we get back to earth now?” He immediately starts pulling open his desk drawers. “All right. So who cleaned while I was gone? What happened to all my doughnuts? Everyone says it was you—”

“Please,” I say with a sniff, as I turn on my heel and make my way to the cafeteria. “The Board of Health would have shut down that desk if they’d seen it, it was so foul. I did you a favor.”

“Some favor,” Pete calls after me. “That’s harassment, you know! I’m calling my supervisor! I’m reporting you!”

Laughing, I find Magda at the register running a resident’s meal card through her scanner.

“Look at all the byootiful movie stars who come to eat here,” she’s cooing. “We are so lucky to have so many byootiful movie stars in Fischer Hall!”

“Magda,” the student says. “Please. Not now. I just came down for some coffee. I don’t have time for your patronizing—”

I’d recognize that surly tone anywhere. “Sarah?”

The student turns. It’s Sarah, all right, her hair back to its normal enormous state. She’s in flannel pajama bottoms, slippers, and a huge sweatshirt. Her contacts are gone, and her face is makeup free. Cinderella’s out of the ball gown, and back into her rags.