Better off Friends

“You have a girlfriend.”

“Well, we’ve been hanging out — I’m not sure I’d say girlfriend yet. But she’s cool. Stacey Hobbs — she’s our year and on the cheerleading squad.”

“Oh.” I knew who he was talking about, but I was trying to figure out how this had happened and why Levi had conveniently neglected to mention anything to me about it. I found myself stepping away from him a bit, needing some distance to try to make sense of it all.

“But enough about me. Tonight is all about you.” Levi stepped forward. “I should warn you that Mom’s obsessed with making shepherd’s pie for you tonight to ease you back into the Midwest. And you know how paranoid she gets cooking for you, so throw in some brilliants and all will be good.”

I gave him a weak smile.

“Come here. I missed you so much.” He put his arms around me again. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to let go. Having your best friend leave you for the summer blows.” He kissed me on the forehead. “But I promise to stop being jealous and want to hear every detail of your trip. I want to be inundated with photos and stories that will make me green with envy. I mean it. You have to tell me everything.”

But I really couldn’t tell him everything, since there was one thing I had to keep to myself.

Awk-ward!

Dude, do you realize if you’d said something right then, everything would’ve been different?

Like you would no longer call me dude?

Whatever, dude. But don’t pretend that I’m the one into drama when you yourself led us into more drama.

You got me there.

So you’re admitting that I’m totally right?

No. Because you have to admit life is more interesting with a little drama.

Are you serious? Life is more of a pain in the rear with drama.

Oh, wait, you’re totally right on that one. My bad.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

I was so stoked to have Macallan back. Summer wasn’t the same without her around. It wasn’t until she was truly gone, thousands of miles away, that I realized how much time we spent together each summer. And yeah, even though I had my guys, it was different. It didn’t feel the same. Nothing was the same without her.

At first I was mad at her for going away, but then I got it. We probably needed a break to reassess things.

I truly loved Macallan, I did. But I realized that she didn’t feel the same, so if the only way I could have her in my life was as a friend, that’s what we’d be.

I admit, she looked so cute when she got out of customs at the airport. She had that sleepy look she got when she was either super tired or under a lot of pressure. She was pretty quiet on the drive home and at dinner that evening. But I felt a lot better just having her near me.

I probably should’ve told her about Stacey while she was in Ireland, but it never had felt like the right time. Stacey was great and really cool, but truthfully I thought I should have a girlfriend by the time Macallan got back solely to avoid any more awkwardness. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable or to think I was still pining over her. I had to put that aside if I wanted things to go back to normal.

I wish I could say that things went quickly back to how they’d been before all our problems. But Macallan started acting almost uncomfortable around me. At first I brushed it off as jet lag, I mean, she nearly cut off her finger one day in the kitchen when I asked her advice about Stacey, and Macallan was always very careful when she was cooking. So that I got. But after a week of her dropping things around me whenever I got too close to her, of her avoiding my eyes, I realized that my confession to her might’ve done some significant damage that would take a lot longer to repair. I was willing to give her the space, whatever she needed to feel comfortable around me again.

It was two weeks before school was starting and Macallan was busy in the kitchen with my mom. She had come over to hang out with me, but the second my mom showed up with a bag of groceries, Macallan jumped up to help her, and I hadn’t seen her since.

It seemed like every time we were supposed to hang, she’d find something else to do. Someone else to be around.

I guess this was how she felt the second half of sophomore year: discarded.

If I could have taken back that confession to her, I would have. Keeping it bottled up inside probably would’ve destroyed me, but better my sanity than my relationship with her.

After nearly a half hour of being ignored, I decided to go into the kitchen.

Macallan was sitting at the kitchen table, not helping, not doing anything, just chatting with Mom.

“Oh, sweetie,” Mom said to me, like she’d forgotten I was home. “Macallan gave me a new barbecue recipe that I’m going to try out tonight. You have to join us, Macallan. I feel like I haven’t seen you that much since you got home. Plus, I need you as my expert taste tester.”

Macallan beamed at Mom. “That sounds great.”

“Fantastic.” Mom looked over at me. “Stacey likes brats, right?”

“Yep,” I replied.

Macallan hit her head. “Oh my goodness, today’s Wednesday, right? I thought it was Tuesday. I have something tonight.”

“Aww, that’s too bad.” Mom looked genuinely sad. “Levi, how did your driving class go today?”

“Good, I’ve almost mastered parallel parking. I was thinking that I really want to take my driver’s license test on my actual birthday.” My sixteenth birthday was in a few weeks and I had my fingers crossed for a car.