Begin Again

I nodded, unable to form words and hugged my uncle around the waist. He wasn’t my father, but I wouldn’t have had anyone else give me away. He’d earned the privilege when he had so graciously welcomed me into both his family and his heart. I loved him dearly for that.

“Places everyone,” my aunt announced. She walked up to me and handed me my bouquet of white and roses. “You ready?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

I slipped my hand into the crook of my uncle’s arm and took a deep calming breath. We walked outside, the late afternoon sun shining around us, and my uncle led me to the entrance of our chapel tent. Hannah and Finley, looking adorable in their champagne colored flower girl dresses, skipped their way down the isle, and then Demi followed with Jeff at her side. I took a minute to savor this moment and when I looked up, Grayson found me.

My breathing hitched when my eyes collided with Huntley’s as she made her way down the isle. She was a vision in her wedding gown, with her hair swept to the side, and even through her veil I could see her smile. My heart raced and I felt moisture building in my eyes. Jeff reached over and squeezed my shoulder. “You okay?” he whispered.

I grinned. ‘I’ve never been better.”

As I stared at my beautiful bride, all the other guests disappeared and all that was left was her and me. We’d been through hell and back to get here and I wasn’t going to take a single second of it for granted.

They reached the makeshift alter and Coach Morgan lifted Huntley’s veil, placing a gentle kiss in her cheek. I saw his eyes grow a little wet as he went to stand next to his wife. I took Huntley’s shaking hand in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. I mouthed, “I love you” and her returning gaze was filled with the love and adoration she held for me. I looked over my shoulder, checking to see that Hunter wasn’t fussing with my mother, before giving my full attention to the priest.

“Who gives this woman away?” he asked.

Coach Morgan and his wife both said “we do” and I thought it was rather fitting. It was because of them that Huntley had turned out to be the incredible woman I saw standing in front of me. The priest told everyone to sit down and finally got on with the show. I was grateful for the short ceremony and almost jumped with excitement when it was time for the vows. My eyes never wavered from Huntley’s as she repeated the priest’s words.

“I Huntley Morgan, take you Grayson Carter to be my husband, to share the good times and hard times side by side. I humbly give you my hand and my heart as a sanctuary of warmth and peace, and pledge my faith and love to you. Just as this circle is without end, my love for you is eternal.

Just as it is made of incorruptible substance, my commitment to you will never fail. With this ring, I thee wed.”

She slipped my platinum wedding band inscribed with our wedding date on my finger and then it was my turn.

“Huntley, as I stand here before you, my eyes looking so deeply into yours, I see all of the things I fell in love with and so much more. I stand here before you, my heart beating so loudly in my ears, and I find myself so lost for the right words to say. Standing here with this ring in my hand reminds me how you complete me, heart and soul. With every smile, every embrace, every tear you've ever wiped from my face, it reminds me how blessed I really am, how I can't ever thank the Lord above enough, for allowing you into my life.

It reminds me of every laugh we've ever shared, every hard time we made it through together, and every beautiful moment there is to come. I give you this ring, my heart, my soul. I give you everything I am today. I promise to love you, protect you, be with you forever, and cherish every moment as if it were the last moment on earth. I love you. With this ring, let it be known, that over every other person in the world I could be with, you were chosen for me. Let it be known, that with this ring, I'm promising to be here for you for all eternity, 'til death do us part.”

Huntley sniffed and wiped her tears while I slipped her princess-cut diamond wedding ring onto her delicate finger.

“Ladies and gentleman,” the priest continued, “it is a pleasure to present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Grayson Carter. You may kiss your bride.”

I stepped closer to Huntley and cupped her face with my hands. “I love you, Mrs. Carter,” I whispered. I pressed my lips to hers and her body immediately relaxed into mine. I deepened the kiss, earning a few whistles and hollers from the guests. When we pulled apart, Huntley’s eyes were wet and bright, and the love I saw there mirrored my own.

“My husband,” she whispered, “and father of two.”

I frowned momentarily and then…

“What?”

“You heard me,” she replied, more tears streaming down her face.

“You’re…we’re…”

“Yes,” she cried, cupping her mouth.

“God, I love you.” I picked her up and swung her around, feeling overwhelmed with love and pure happiness. I didn’t care that we had audience because in my mind it was just us. Always me and her. When my lips met hers a second time and our bodies pressed together, peace settled over us and I knew it was the start of our forever.

I sat at our table and watched people milling about, some dancing, some talking to other guests. We were under a beautifully decorated marquee tent next to Lake Dixon with the most exquisite sunset imaginable. As the last rays of sun flickered away and gave way to a starry night sky, tee lights in mason jars lit up and gave the whole atmosphere an ethereal feel. It was perfect for Huntley and Grayson’s wedding, and everything I’d imagined it would be.  I sipped my champagne and somehow managed to lose myself in the experience. I saw Huntley and Grayson dancing while Lifehouse’s ‘You and Me’ drifted through the speakers. Like many of the other guests, they and the endless, perfect love they shared transfixed me.

A light tap on my shoulder broke my haze and I looked up to find Jeff smiling at me. He looked incredibly handsome in his classic black tuxedo and champagne colored vest. He’d removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, giving his debonair look a slightly rogue effect. It was sexy, and any other woman here would’ve buckled at the knees just looking at him. If only he’d had that effect on me. It would have been far easier. He was a safe choice for me. Too bad I was too stubborn to choose what was safe, instead of what ended up destroying me inside.

“Care to dance?” he asked, giving me his heart stopping lopsided grin. I smiled, and placed my hand in his, wanting to feel something other than the mess inside me. I’d spent the night before curled up in bed, crying until my eyes ached. But I didn’t want to feel that tonight, and certainly not with Jeff.

“I’d love to,” I replied. I finished the rest of my champagne and followed Jeff as he led me onto the dance floor. His right arm wrapped around my waist and his left hand held mine while I rested my free hand on his shoulder. We were pressed close; close enough for anyone to think we were actually a couple. I wished we could be. I wished that I could feel more for Jeff. But I couldn’t.

Our bodies swayed to the music and I rested my head on his shoulder. For those few minutes I was able to forget what troubled me and simply allowed myself to just be. I focused on the steady rhythm of Jeff’s heart and closed my eyes. I’d spent the night before curled up in bed, sobbing until my eyes ached.