Before We Fall (Beautifully Broken #3)

“Why do you like this?” I ask softly, unable to take my eyes away. Dom smiles, a sardonic smile.

“I’m not sure. Probably because I can linger in the shadows. I don’t have to interact with anyone, I can just watch. And if I do interact, it’s not on a deep level. It’s superficial, a mutual pleasuring of two people. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“So it’s empty, then,” I say, lifting my eyes finally and looking at him. He shrugs.

“If you want to see it that way.”

I look at the people around me, at the whipping and the lashing and the red marks.

“Do you like the pain, too?”

He shrugs again. “Perhaps.”

Something twinges inside of me, a realization of sorts.

“Because you feel like you deserve it,” I observe. It’s not a question now. I know it in my heart and he doesn’t deny it.

“Are there famous people here?” I ask quietly, changing the subject. Dom smiles.

“Always. Sin’s parties are famous. People fly in from all over.”

This isn’t a “party.” This is an orgy.

Dom falls silent now, watching a girl in a cage. A second man has joined the first, and while the first man sucks hard on her breasts, the second lashes her with a velvet whip from behind. She moans, “Fuck me, fuck me, please.”

She’s got lash marks on her back from those velvet tassels, and still she moans. Still she enjoys it. Still she arches her back and comes and comes and comes. As she comes, a second woman steps into the cage and sucks on her other breast. The woman screams even more… because she loves it.

I feel wetness gush into my panties and I feel like a freak.

“Why do I like watching this?” I wonder aloud to Dominic. “I’ve never watched anything like this before.”

“That’s probably why you like it,” he whispers to me, his lips close to my ear. “It’s naughty, it’s forbidden. Forbidden things are exciting, no matter who you are.”

He wraps his hand around my thigh, squeezing at the soft flesh there. Kneading, pulling, squeezing… causing just the slightest bit amount of pain. And I want more. All of a sudden, I want more. I want him to make me hurt… in a good way.

He looks at me. “This room turns you on. Yes or no?”

I’m embarrassed to admit that it does.

“Yes,” I admit limply.

“Are you wet?” Dominic asks, his voice husky.

“Yes,” I whisper.

“Can I check?”

I’m surprised he asked. But suddenly, I want nothing more.

“Yes,” I answer.

His fingers find me, cool and slender. And then they’re inside of me, in and out, slow then fast. My breathing catches and I turn into him, my face pressed against his chest as I grasp at him.

“No,” he rasps, turning my shoulders around. “Keep watching.”

So I do.

I watch the couples having sex, the couples whipping each other, the lash marks, the bruises, the scratches. I watch fingers slipping into bodies, glistening skin, thick penises, slick folds. I watch all of it.

And then I watch Kira enter the room. Dressed in a strapless gown, she walks in like she owns the room, looking around, searching every corner. I know who she’s looking for.

Her gaze finds him, and in an instant she starts in Dominic’s direction, but then she sees me on his lap. Her eyes narrow and she freezes in her tracks.

Dominic’s fingers have never stopped moving within me, even with Kira watching.

I am both embarrassed and pleased by that.

Dominic watches Kira retreat to a place by the wall, where she stands alone for a few minutes until Duncan comes in. Dominic’s younger brother assesses the room, assesses the situation, his gaze sweeping over me and Dominic, then Kira. And then he heads toward Kira, pulling her toward a padded ottoman to her left.

At first she shakes her head, but then she follows him, sitting with him on the silk. She watches Dominic for a reaction, and it’s very apparent that she’s waiting for him to protest that she’s with his brother.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, Dominic strokes me, his breath coming harshly. His fingers feel good, incredibly good, but it’s even more amazing because of where I am… surrounded by sex of every nature.

A naked woman with pale skin and red hair that tumbles to her waist stops in front of us, blocking my view of Kira.

“Do you want me to suck you?” she asks Dominic. He looks down at me.

“Do you want her to?”

For a minute, I consider it. And then I’m amazed that I consider it at all. The idea of anyone touching Dominic in that way, anyone other than me, shreds me, and I shake my head quickly.

“No.”

He immediately shakes his head at the girl and, unbothered, she continues on to the next couple. I watch in amazement.

“This place…” I murmur, my voice trailing off. I look around yet again. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Dominic chuckles, low and dark. “Sin wanted it to be like ancient orgies were rumored to be. In the next room, there’s a Roman bath. Do you want to go in there?”

I glance at Kira and Duncan. Duncan is kissing her neck, but Kira’s eyes are frozen on Dominic and me.

“I don’t think Kira would like that,” I point out, trying to ignore the fact that Dom’s fingers are still inside of me. “She’s watching us.”

“She likes watching me,” Dominic says easily. “She’s been a friend for a long time.”

“Apparently, she’s a good friend of your brother’s, too,” I answer wryly. Dominic ducks his head, nipping at my neck, and I arch against him against my will.

“Why am I here?” I ask him suddenly. “Why did you bring me? To further prove your point that I’m like everyone else?”

Dominic stops moving and looks up at me, his gaze dangerous and dark.

“You’re not like everyone else,” he answers. “I know that you’re not. But I needed you to see what I am. Before we go our separate ways and I never see you again, I needed you to see that I’m fucked up. That way, you won’t always wonder if we did the right thing by breaking things off. You can rest easily and know that we did. Because you don’t deserve someone like me.”

His frankness surprises me, and I stare at him. He shrugs. “It’s true. And you need to know that.”

“How are you fucked up?” I ask, keeping an eye on Kira. She watches me, her eyes narrowed as her legs wrap around Duncan’s naked hips.

“Isn’t it apparent?” Dominic asks, his eyes gleaming. “I can’t get off on normal things. It takes the dark things, the taboo things. If I can get off at all. I’m fucked up, Jacey. Let’s just leave it at that.”

“But why are you fucked up?” I ask bluntly. “Just tell me that much. The Dominic that I know is funny and witty and smart. And he is good, deep down where he tries to hide it. The Dominic that I know isn’t fucked up. Not really.”

Dominic stares at me, his face a perfect mask. “That’s because you don’t know the real Dominic. You’ve sensed him all along. I’ve seen it in your eyes. I’m showing him to you tonight.”

“I don’t believe it,” I whisper, and the words slip through my lips in a hiss. “This isn’t you. This is who you want to be for some reason. You don’t think that you deserve real things—good things. So you let yourself believe that this is your life. Your life could be more, if you’d just let it be, Dominic. I know it.”

I pull away from him. “Look around you. This is sad. Yes, it’s a turn-on to watch… but only because it’s so naughty and dark. These people must have such sad lives—especially those women in the cages. They don’t have anything healthy or real, so they come here to get debased. Look at Kira! She’s in love with you, yet she’s having sex with your brother right now. What the fuck?”

Dominic grips my arm, hard. “There’s nothing wrong with these people,” he tells me in a low voice. “This is just what they like. Most of them are like me. They’re jaded and they’ve seen everything, so the normal doesn’t do it for them anymore. And Kira… she’s not in love with me. She likes this. It’s who she is. She’s fucked up too, like me.”

I look at her again, just in time to see a tear slip down her cheek before she closes her eyes, and I startle.

“She’s crying,” I snap at Dominic. “It doesn’t look like she likes it anymore.”

The words are no sooner out of my mouth than Kira jumps up and runs from the room, toward what looks to be a bathroom. Before I can even think about it, I pull away from Dominic and follow her.

I find her in a heap on a bench in an ornate bathroom. Tears are streaming down her face and her arms are wrapped around her sides. I approach her carefully.

“Are you okay?”

She doesn’t answer. She just continues to cry, staring at the wall.

“I’m sorry,” I offer quietly.

She looks up at me. “Are you?” Her words aren’t sharp or ugly, just a blunt question. I nod.

“I can see that you’re upset. And if I’m at fault, I am sorry.”

Kira looks away, wiping at her eyes. “It’s actually not your fault. I’m pissed because I shouldn’t have been with Duncan.” She looks away, her eyes watery. “I’ve always wanted him, you know… Dominic. Always. Even before Emma died. And after she died, I stuck by him. I was everything that he needed, all of these years, but it’s never mattered. I’ve never been enough. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you are, because you won’t be. What he needs is dead. And she’s never coming back.”

“Kira, stop,” Dominic says coldly, and I spin around to find him at the door. He takes two steps toward us and stops again. His face is deadly calm, his voice like ice. “You need to stop.”

I stare at him. “Are you still in love with Emma? Is that what’s wrong with you?”

Because I can’t compete with a dead woman.

“It’s not that simple,” he says, turning to me; but Kira laughs, a cold and empty sound.

“It is that simple. He’s in love with her. He must be. I don’t know what’s wrong with him or what he needs. I don’t know if he knows. Don’t waste your time with him. Trust me. I’ve wasted years. He’ll suck you down and you’ll drown with him.”

I stare at her, then him, and my eyes well up with tears at the thought that she might be right. I hadn’t even realized that I wanted to save him, but I do. I want to save him from this… from all of this.

But maybe Dominic is unsaveable simply because he doesn’t want to be saved. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what actually would save him. Either way, it seems hopeless.

Dominic looks at Kira and something softens in his gaze. “Kira, I’m sorry. I never knew that you wanted more from me. You never said and I never saw it. You’ve been such a good friend to me for so long. And you were a good friend to… her too. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”