Beautifully Broken 4: Until We Fly

Brand looks at me.  “Well, Gran taught me everything I know about women.”

This definitely catches my attention.  “And what is that?”

He smiles. “There’s too much to list.  She never hesitated to share her opinion.”

The affection on his face at her memory warms my heart.  They say that if you watch a man with his mother, it’s a good indication of his character.  But I know that if I’d seen Brand with his ‘gran’, that I’d have known all I ever needed to know about him.

“Well, share a couple of things,” I urge him.  “Remember, I didn’t get much advice.  I can borrow yours.”

He chuckles.  “Well, I’m not sure how helpful it will be for you.  She focused a lot on advice about women….on what I need to know.”

I wait.

He sighs.  “Okay.  Well, she said that women don’t always know what they want, but they almost always know what they don’t want.  Sometimes it takes them a while to narrow it down by elimination.”

I ponder that, then nod.  “Yeah.  She’s right about that one.  What else?”

“One time, when we were about sixteen or so, Gabe and I were at the beach with her.  Apparently, I was staring at some girl in a bikini, and Gran slapped me on the back of the head and told me that women weren’t ‘vaginas with legs’.  I then got a lecture about how women are more than just sex.  It was the most humiliating discussion of my life.”

I giggle at the mere thought. “Did Gabe get the talk too?”

Brand nods.  “Yeah.  He wanted to die.  There we were, right out on the beach in front of God and everyone, including hot chicks in bikinis, and his grandma was talking about sex.”

I giggle again. “She sounds awesome.”

“She is,” Brand says firmly.

Our waitress refills our drinks and I look at Brand.

“Did she give you any other valuable advice, or was it all about women?”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, for a teenage boy, trust me, it’s always about the women.”

I stare at him drolly.  He smirks.

“I wish I’d paid more attention to the things she told me back then,” he admits.  “She was really a wise lady, and unfortunately, because I was a stupid kid, I didn’t remember it all. But there was something she told me once, after some girl broke my heart, that has always stuck with me.”

I wait.

He doesn’t say anything.

“And that was?” I prod.

“Well, this chick had screwed me over in a big way.  She was pretty messed up. And I’d come to the conclusion that women weren’t worth it, that they were more trouble than they were worth.”

“I can see where you might think that sometimes,” I nod.  “What did your Gran say?”

“She said… Branden, the best things in life are worth the greatest risk.  Sometimes, before we fall, we fly.”

I stare at him, at the smile that lingers on his lips, and I can’t help but fall just a little bit in love with this big strong man that has held onto such a sentiment from his ‘adopted gran’.

Knowing him now is so different from being wildly in love with him as a teen.

There’s so much more to him than I’d ever have guessed before.

“That’s beautiful,” I tell him simply.  “You’re right.  She was very wise.”

Brand nods.  “She never pulled any punches.  She warned me away from her own granddaughter, too.”

This freezes my hand on my glass.

“What?” I manage to ask.

Brand chuckles.  “She was very perceptive.  She knew, even before I did, that I was falling for Jacey a long time ago.  And she pulled me aside and in her very direct way, she told me that Jacey wasn’t ready for a guy like me. That maybe she never would be… because Jacey needed someone to tame her.  I was offended at first, because I thought she was saying that I wasn’t man enough to do it.”

That’s what it sounded like to me, too, and I have to wonder if Gran even knows him at all.

“Then what did she mean?” I ask curiously.

“She said that I had a soft spot for Jacey and that I’d never be able to give her the tough love that would fix her.  She said I’m the type of guy who will come to your rescue when I’m needed, and it wouldn’t be fair to me if I was with Jacey, because I’d always be coming to her rescue.  She said I need someone more considerate than that, someone who has their act together.”

I swallow hard.  “I think your Gran really was wise.  She nailed you to a T.”

But I don’t have my act together.

Brand shrugs. “I don’t know about that.  But she was right about Jacey.  I came to her rescue a hundred times over the years.  If I’d been ‘with’ her, it would’ve been a hundred more.  So, Gran was right.”

Our food arrives now and as I’m eating the steaming pasta, I can’t help but consider that.

Brand really is the kind of guy to come to a girls’ rescue. And Lord knows that my life is f**ked up. If he were with me, really with me, he’d constantly feel like he needed to save me.

I’m no better than Jacey.

I’m conflicted… between the desperate need that I have to be with Brand, to soak him up… and to let him go so that he’s not hurt by me, or by my life.

When Maria had told me about Jacey before, I’d felt so high and mighty, so judging.   But yet, I know that I have to meet my uncle tomorrow, and he’s going to threaten Brand and me, and still I want Brand.

Still I want Brand, no matter the cost.

So really, when it boils down to it, I’m as selfish as Jacey ever was.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Brand

Talking about Jacey makes me uncomfortable.

Not because I still love her, because I don’t.  Not in that way.

But because I can see that it puts Nora on edge.  That’s the last thing I want. She’s been edgy ever since the dinner at her parents’.  I don’t want to add to that.  

“Jacey’s happily married now,” I remind her as I finish up my lasagna.  “And I don’t want her anymore.”

“I know,” Nora answers.  “And I’m sorry.  It’s not even my business. Who you want and who you don’t want are your business, not mine.”