As She Fades

“Not in the mood for this,” I told him as I spooned some mac and cheese onto a paper plate.

“You seen any more of Slate?”

That annoyed me. I set the spoon down. “No, as a matter of fact. Not in three days. Not since I told him I wasn’t a challenge and not to chase me.”

Knox’s eyes went wide, then he started laughing. I was very close to tossing the spoon at his head. Or better yet, the whole bowl of mac and cheese. But Mom would kill me. She didn’t like to waste food. Although if I did toss it, I could let Bruno inside so he could lick it clean. He’d love that. Feeding our chocolate lab wouldn’t be considered wasting food. Technically.

“You told him not to chase you?” Knox barked with laughter again.

“I’m seriously close to making you wear this mac and cheese,” I warned him.

He shook his head and tried to stop laughing. He didn’t do a very good job. I turned my back on him and put my plate in the microwave. He had me all worked up over Slate and now he was laughing about my handling it. I didn’t understand brothers at all.

“I’m sorry,” he said through his laughter. “I am just picturing Slate’s face when you told him. That is definitely something he’s never heard before.”

I glared at the microwave. “Well, it worked. He’s not come back around.”

Knox’s laughter faded. “You don’t seem happy about that.”

I wasn’t. I was afraid I’d hurt his feelings, and dang it, I was lonely during the day. Slate’s visits had been nice.

“I think I hurt his feelings.”

My mac and cheese was done, and I took it out then walked over to the table.

“You didn’t hurt his feelings. He’s tougher than that. If anything, you confirmed what he already knew. You weren’t his normal. You’re too good for that. Glad he got the point. We’re brothers and all, but blood is thicker than Kappa Sigma. Just don’t tell them I said that.”

“I think I should go visit his uncle—I don’t want to be rude. And Slate brings me good coffee every morning. He just leaves it for me before I get there. That’s nice of him.”

Knox grunted. “Yeah, fucking thoughtful.”

I rolled my eyes and ate my meal. I was too tired for this tonight.

“Vale, what if he never wakes up? Are you going to spend your life going to that hospital every day? I mean, I love Crawford, too. He was like a brother to me. I hate that this has happened, but it’s been a month. You’ve got to start learning to live without him.”

This wasn’t the first time I’d heard this. Not from Knox or the rest of our family. I was tired of it. They didn’t understand.

“I love him.”

“And he loved you. He wouldn’t want this for you.”

That I believed. I knew Crawford would want me living outside of those hospital walls. But how could he expect that when he was still in there? I couldn’t just leave him. He needed me.

“It’s all I can do to make it through each day. I have to be there.”

Knox sighed and stood up. “I hope he opens his eyes soon.”

That was something we could agree on.

“Me too.”

“There’s the chance he won’t. If he doesn’t, you’re going to have to eventually learn to live. I can’t sit back and watch your life tick by while you sit in that hospital. None of us can. Start preparing yourself for the worst, sis. It could happen.”

I hated hearing that. I knew it was true, but I hated hearing it. Crawford was stronger than that. He’d open his eyes. He would come back to me. To our life. He had to.

“You’re still enrolled at Bington for the fall semester. I’d like for you to go back with me when it’s time. You’re going to like it there and it’s close. Just an hour drive. You don’t have to live on campus, but your dorm is paid and I think you’d like it. Be a good scenery change.”

I couldn’t think about that now. I knew I had to make a decision soon about college, but not now. Not yet. I needed more time. Crawford needed more time.

“I can’t deal with this right now.”

“You’ve been saying that for a month, Vale. It’s almost July. August will be here before you know it, and you’ll have to make a decision.”

I knew all this. Closing my eyes tightly, I took a deep breath to calm down. I wanted to scream at him to stop. I knew he meant well, but he didn’t understand. Bington had been my and Crawford’s plan. How did I go there without him?

“It’s only been a month,” I said, knowing it had been five weeks now. Each day that passed and he didn’t open his eyes, my fear that he wouldn’t grew.

“I know,” Knox said softly, then walked over and squeezed my shoulder gently. “I just love you and want the best for you.”

“I need more time.”

“Okay,” he said, then finally left me to myself. I knew this argument was coming again from my parents. I expected it. They had paid for my tuition and dorm already. I couldn’t expect them to not want answers or a decision. I had to give that to them. But how?

Should I postpone college for Crawford? Was that a mistake? Could I leave him?

No. I couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave me. I knew that. He’d need me here when he opened his eyes. I couldn’t allow myself to plan a future that didn’t have him in it. That was letting him down. He’d never let me down. Not once.

I finished my meal, then cleaned up my mess before heading up to take a shower. Tomorrow might be the same as it had been for the past five weeks. But I still hoped for the miracle we were all waiting on.

CHAPTER NINE

FOR THE FIRST time since the accident, I overslept. My alarm hadn’t gone off, which was odd because I was sure I had set it last night. I always set it. The clock said it was almost ten. How had I slept so late?

Getting dressed in a crazed hurry, I skipped breakfast and ran straight out the door. Mom had called out after me that she had made me a bagel to go but I didn’t have time to respond. I was supposed to be at the hospital. Why hadn’t Knox woken me up? He was going to read to Crawford at ten today. He should have realized I hadn’t left yet.

As I gripped the steering wheel, it dawned on me that he did know I was still sleeping and he’d left me to sleep. I knew he meant well, but I knew what was best for me. I didn’t need his or my mother’s interference. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had turned off my alarm himself.

They all needed to let me deal with this the way I wanted to. The way I needed to. They didn’t understand. Crawford would want me there. When his eyes opened, he would want to see me. Leaving me at home like that was just wrong. I’d tell Knox that when I saw him.

I parked quickly and ran the rest of the way. I knew Crawford’s mother would have stepped out to get some fresh air while Knox was reading to Crawford, so I went straight to his room. I wouldn’t argue with him in front of Crawford, but I’d glare at him and let him know how angry I was.

Jerking open the door to Crawford’s room, I stepped inside and then immediately froze. That wasn’t Knox’s voice or the back of Knox’s head. That was Slate. Reading. To Crawford.

Stepping closer, I listened to his deep drawl and tried to figure out why he was in Crawford’s room reading to him. Reading to the kids was one thing, but this was something altogether different.