As She Fades
Page 48My heart slammed against my ribs. Girls didn’t talk about me like that. They never had.
“Whatever. You’re young and stupid. You’ll learn,” Grace snapped, turning around in her seat.
“Hopefully sooner than you,” Vale shot back.
I laughed. I wasn’t able to stop myself. Her response was unexpected.
I pulled up in front of Grace’s sorority house and she shoved her door open. “Don’t call me,” she yelled before slamming the door behind her.
I hadn’t been planning on it, but I knew it helped her to say it. What had she wanted from me tonight? To say she screwed me? To say she was one of the many? Why? When had that become such a big thing for girls?
I opened my door and held out my hand to Vale. “Come on and get up front.”
She didn’t argue, and although there was still sadness in her eyes, she didn’t look as broken as she had when I picked her up.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
VALE
I WAS SORRY about the girl. She had been on a date with Slate and he’d ended it for me. I should have been nicer. She just caught me at a bad time.
“What happened?” Slate asked as we started down the dark road.
“There’s more to it than that,” he said—and he was right.
I stared out the window of the Jeep and wondered when, exactly, did Crawford pull away? When I was in the coma? How long did it take him to go live his life? Had it been hard on him?
“I think if the situation had been reversed … I wouldn’t have been able to go so easily or quickly. I was only in a coma for a little over a month. We had been together since we were six. Wouldn’t it take longer than a month for him to accept that he needed to go on with his life? Surely if that had been me, I would have had a hard time leaving him. He … he didn’t. He left and he made a life here. So quickly.”
I felt guilty even saying all this. Should I be complaining that he didn’t sit and pine for me?
“I wanted him to live his life, but I expected him to at least have held out some hope that I would join him like we’d planned. He didn’t. He was having sex with Cat. It didn’t take him long.”
Slate didn’t respond right away. I didn’t expect him to. What was he supposed to say to this? “I’m sorry”? There was no response he could give me to make it better.
“Tonight we were at a party. He had this life, and these friends who didn’t even know who I was. I didn’t fit, and he didn’t seem to notice or care. He wanted me to sit there beside him while he laughed and had a good time. That wasn’t what we were always like. I used to at least know his friends, and I wasn’t as lost. But I’ve realized that he had always been the center of attention and he expected me to just fall into place at his side. I don’t want that anymore.”
Slate pulled his Jeep down a dirt road. Normally this would seem strange, but I trusted Slate. That was something else I didn’t understand. Why did I trust him so completely?
We were stopped under a clear night sky in a field filled with grass and wildflowers. I wondered if he had brought many girls out here for something completely different. It was a beautiful spot, though.
“Crawford will regret this one day,” Slate said as he turned his body toward me. “He had you. He’d lived a perfect life with you and he didn’t even know what he had because he hadn’t tried anything else. Me … well, I’ve tried it all. I’m not wondering what’s on the other side. I’ve been there, and it is lonely. He’ll realize it one day, and it’ll be too late.”
That was sweet and I appreciated him saying it, but I didn’t want Crawford to regret anything. I wanted him to be happy.
Slate leaned forward and cupped my face with his hand. It felt familiar and exciting all at once. “When you were sleeping and I would read to you and talk to you, I felt something. Hell, maybe it was your face, because you have an exceptional one. But I felt a connection. I’d never had that before, and I made excuses to see you by bringing your family coffee. Sure, I’m a nice guy and I wanted to help out, but in reality I couldn’t imagine a guy not standing by your side, holding your hand, praying you would wake up. I…” He paused and leaned close to me. His scent made my body tingle. “… Just knew there was something special there. Then you woke up and I was right. You went to see my uncle D because you cared about an old man you didn’t know. You stood by me as he died. You cared. No girl has ever cared before, Vale.”
Tears stung my eyes. Slate was so much more than he was given credit for. I leaned into his hand and closed my eyes. Instead of the safe feeling I had with Crawford, my pulse raced with Slate. He made the world brighter and full of the unknown.
“I had to be sure,” I told him, opening my eyes to lock with his gaze. “I had to know what I had with Crawford was over. He was all I’d known.”
Slate dropped his hand, and I felt cold without his touch.
“I know. You still need time. Twelve years is a long time to love someone. Moving on can’t happen overnight. But when you’re ready, you know where to find me.”
As much as I wanted Slate to pull me into his arms and kiss me, I knew he was right. There had to be closure with Crawford.
“Thank you,” I said, wishing there were words that meant more, that expressed what I was feeling.
“For what?”
I looked at his beautiful face and those eyes that seemed to haunt my dreams. “For being you.”
Slate chuckled. “I’ve never been thanked for that before.”
I smiled at his amusement. “How will I know?” I asked him.
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
VALE
CRAWFORD WAS IN my dorm room when I returned that night. He cried and admitted to sleeping with Cat as well as two other girls. He blamed it on being lost without me and acting out in pain. He begged me to forgive him.
I let him say all he had to say, then told him the truth. I didn’t love him anymore. From the moment I opened my eyes, things had been different. We couldn’t go back because we had both changed. I could forgive him for the girls, but I’d never forget it. My heart was closed to him now. I wanted him happy, but not with me.
He had cried more and blamed himself for not staying with me. For listening to his mother and leaving when it was time. I let him talk and listened, although I was aware that he had to work through this on his own.
When I watched him finally leave, he asked me if there was a chance for us one day. I told him the truth. No. We were the past and our story was a big part of both of us. But it was over now. Our futures held different things.
Not once did I cry—or even feel like crying. Seeing his tears didn’t make me feel vindicated. It was just sad that this was how it all ended. All our plans for the future were no longer important. They were the dreams of children. Children who were growing up.
* * *
AFTER HE WAS gone, I called Knox and told him I had ended things. I left out the girls because Knox wouldn’t forgive him for that. He’d go after him and they’d both end up in jail or the hospital. I needed my brother and my family to understand that I wanted more. I wanted a life that I got to plan.