As She Fades

When we were far enough from the door that our voices wouldn’t be overheard, I stopped and turned to look at him.

“I came back after practice. It feels different between us, and I want to fix it, Vale. I just don’t know how to.”

I wasn’t sure it was fixable. But Crawford was a big part of my past. He had been in my life for the majority of it, and I loved him. I just felt different about him since opening my eyes—and it wasn’t because he hadn’t been there.

“I’m not sure, either” was my honest response.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I love you, Vale.”

And I loved him. But it was different. I didn’t know how to explain it. So instead of trying, I said, “I know.”

He closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my arm before leaning in to kiss me. It was nice. Safe. Everything I knew … yet it was missing something. The kiss was no different from any other he’d given me … maybe a bit sweeter, more gentle. But it was empty. Like I’d tasted a deeper kind and wanted it again. But I knew he’d been the only boy I had ever kissed. There had been no one else.

I kissed him back, hoping to fill the void, but even when the kiss ended and he smiled down at me like he always had, I felt a little lost.

That night I dreamed of more. Heat, breathtaking excitement, and a rush like I had never experienced. It was the more that filled me. I wasn’t lost but happy. And it wasn’t Crawford who was making me feel that way. The boy from my childhood, the boy I could trust above all others, never once entered that dream. It was almost as if he didn’t exist.

In that world for a moment it was just me and … Slate Allen.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

SLATE

DROPPING MY BAGS in my room, I looked around the frat house. I’d be sharing a room with Knox this year. I got to choose my roommate, and he was the easy choice. We had gotten closer this summer than I’d ever been to another guy. Both of us dealing with our own pain in the hospital.

Knox wasn’t here yet, though. He had texted that he’d be helping his sister get moved in to her dorm first. His parents were nervous about leaving her, even though she had been making excellent progress. Knox said she would only require physical therapy every other week for another month.

I hadn’t seen Vale again since that night at her house when her boyfriend showed up and took her away for the rest of the evening. I asked about her, though. Knox always said she was adjusting and doing better. He never gave me more information than that. And honestly, why the hell did I need it? I was worried about her because she was my friend’s sister. That was what I was going to tell myself until I fucking believed it.

Oddly enough, my uncle asked about her regularly, too. It was as if the two of us had some weird fascination with this girl. He’d mention often she was a special kind, and that was even off the wall for him. How would he know? He’d only heard about her and seen her on the news.

“Hey, Slate,” a female voice purred from behind me. Katie, a blonde from one of the sororities nearby, stood smiling at my door.

“Katie,” I replied, not in the mood for this.

Katie had been after me all last year. She had slept with three of my friends. I wasn’t going there. I knew how clingy she got and I didn’t want to deal with a crazy.

“How was your summer?” she asked, sauntering into the room in a pair of shorts that didn’t cover her ass cheeks.

“My uncle is dying of cancer. Spent most of it in a hospital.” I decided the honest, direct approach would run her off easy enough.

As expected, she paused and frowned like she had no idea how to respond to that. She was dressed to fuck. Not to discuss my dying uncle. “Oh, um, I’m sorry to hear that.”

Yeah, I bet she was. I turned to open my bag and started unpacking.

“Well, if you need anything, you know where you can reach me.”

Yes, I did. But I wouldn’t be reaching her. “Yeah,” I replied.

She made an excuse, said good-bye, and left. I didn’t even glance back. That would have been too much encouragement.

When the door clicked shut behind her, I dropped the shirt in my hand and sank down onto my bed. Silence. Alone. I needed this. Soon there would be very little time to myself. The frat house was never quiet or peaceful. There was rarely time to just sit and think. Actually, never time to just sit and think.

Last year I’d loved that. The constant party and the girls. Now I had other things on my mind. Being so far away from Uncle D wasn’t easy. I worried about him. I couldn’t get there fast enough if I needed to. That was the hardest part. He wasn’t taking the chemo, but he’d lived almost two months since they said he wouldn’t live even one without it. He was weak and he was hurting. The pain medicine helped ease it, but it wasn’t enough. He wouldn’t take enough to completely kill the pain, because then he was unconscious and he wanted to be awake. He wanted to enjoy his life.

I’d tried to stay home this semester. To be with him. But he’d adamantly refused. He wanted me here. He said he needed to leave this world knowing I was getting my degree and achieving more in life than he had. Although I thought his life was something to be proud of, he saw it differently. He wanted more for me.

Being here felt wrong, though. Like I was leaving him when he needed me most. It was hard to do. Explaining that to the stubborn old man had been impossible. He was set that I would go to college this semester.

The door opened, and I sat up, prepared for another girl. But it was Knox. “She had eight boxes of shit, three suitcases, and then my parents to drive me nuts. But she’s here and I’m thankful for that.”

I didn’t need more explanation for that statement. I knew he was talking about Vale. “She all moved in?” I asked.

“Oh yeah. She’s all moved in. Rooming with another freshman who seems as nervous as she is. I’m just glad she didn’t get some raging bitch. My first year I was in a room with a psycho who had these little board game figurines on a shelf by his bed that he talked to at night. That shit was fucked.”

He threw his bag onto his bed and sat down.

“Hopefully her roommate doesn’t talk to game pieces,” I replied, glad to have something else to think about other than Uncle D.

“I don’t think my parents will ever leave, though. They’re hovering over her. Like she might break. If she comes running here to hide, I won’t be surprised.”

The idea of her running here was appealing to me. Which I needed to check. I was not going to think about that girl all the time.

“Duke and Neil are sharing a room. I saw it on my way up. Did you know that? They’ll kill each other,” Knox said, laughing.

“Whose idea was that?” I asked, thinking two more opposite people could not exist.

“I have no idea. But that should be some funny shit.”

I agreed. It would be entertaining to watch. And to listen to. If Duke wasn’t such a big teddy bear, he’d toss Neil and his OCD ways out the window. Though he might do it anyway. Definitely not going to be a dull moment around here this year.

“I need to unpack and go see if Vale will get something to eat with me. Mom’s afraid she’ll hide out in her room and not go anywhere. Want to come?”

Yes. I stopped myself before I said it, though. If Knox thought I was interested in his sister in any way, he’d blow up on me. We were friends, but he knew me too well to accept me as being anywhere good enough for his sister. I saw that. I was aware of it, but damned if I didn’t want to be around her.