As She Fades

Practice? I was confused. Practice where? For what?

Mom nodded as if that made sense, and she ran her hand over my head to soothe me. “It’s so good to see your eyes.”

Knox came up beside her. “Hey,” he said simply, and his eyes were instantly filled with tears.

“Hey,” I repeated, now worried about him. I had never seen Knox cry. Not even when he broke his collarbone in middle school.

“About time you woke up. First year of college starts soon. Can’t have you missing that. Not after all the planning and preparing you’ve done for it.”

College. I was going to college. I tried to remember more, but my head began to pound and I winced.

“Looks like that’s enough stimulation for now,” Dr. Charlie said.

“Let’s give her some quiet time to adjust and rest. The other family will be in here soon, I assume.”

Mom nodded but didn’t move from my side. “Is it safe for her to close her eyes so soon?” She sounded panicked.

“Yes. She’s awake now. The coma is over.”

Those words replayed in my head as I drifted off to sleep.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

VALE

THE NEXT TIME my eyes opened, my room was full. Dylan, my oldest brother, stood by the window looking out. Michea, the next oldest, was sitting on the edge of my bed with a remote control in his hand, watching TV. Jonah, who was supposed to be on active duty in the military, was here standing with his arms crossed over his chest, also watching TV. Knox was staring at his phone as he sat on the sofa beside my dad.

It was my mother who saw my eyes were open and stood from her chair to come to me. “Hey, honey,” she said gently.

Her face was so thin it worried me. She seemed to have aged ten years since my graduation. I wanted to ask her about it, but then I remembered.

“There she is,” Dylan said, walking over to stand on the other side of me. “You went back to sleep before I could get here and see those baby-blue eyes.” His hand covered mine and squeezed. He had dark circles under his eyes, too. I took in the room and the people I loved in it and saw tired faces. They had suffered. Because of me.

“How are the girls?” I asked, my throat raw again.

My mother reached down and pressed a button to sit me up more before bringing the ice water back to my mouth without my even asking.

“Both Maddy and Malyn miss you terribly. They know you’re awake, and they may drive Catherine crazy until we bring them here. I just didn’t think you were ready for all that excitement just yet.”

I wanted to see my nieces. And my sister-in-law, Catherine. “Tell her to bring them.”

Dylan nodded and bent down to kiss my head. “Never been so happy to see you awake in my life. Scared us, little girl.”

I managed to smile.

“Stop hogging her. Hell, I’ve been gone for six months. It’s my turn,” Jonah said, moving our older brother out of the way. The last time I had seen Jonah was Christmas, when he got to come home for two nights. His buzzed haircut was so hard to get used to. He’d always had a head full growing up. Wearing it to his shoulders most of the time.

“I missed you,” I told him.

His eyes seemed glassy, like he had unshed tears, and my heart hurt for him. For all of them. If one of them had been in the hospital, I would have felt the same way. We were all so close.

“Missed you, too,” he said as he squeezed my hand.

“Turns out they give you an excused leave when your baby sister is in a coma.”

Coma. That word seemed so foreign, yet familiar. I’d been in a coma.

“When was the wreck?” I asked.

Jonah looked up at our mother, who still stood on my other side.

“The night of graduation.” Her voice was soft.

I remembered that. “So it’s July now?” I asked.

“Not yet. June twenty-eighth,” my mother replied.

“Summer has sucked without you,” Knox said as he sat down on the end of my bed. “I come home for summer break, and you sleep through the whole first half.”

I smiled. That was Knox. Always trying to make a joke. He was the comedian of the family.

“I’m not sure that was funny,” Michea said, sounding concerned. Michea was the protector.

“It was,” I assured him, and Knox winked at me.

“Let’s get her some ice cream,” my father suggested, and Michea immediately offered to go get it.

“Grey’s Anatomy is on. Kind of appropriate. You up for an episode?” Knox asked, sitting back on the sofa as the show began.

I wasn’t sure. I felt lost. Like someone was missing, or I was missing. A life I thought I had was gone. Which I didn’t completely understand. But my family needed me to be okay. I would be okay for them. The stress and worry this had caused them was evident on all their faces. I was awake. I had survived. I owed it to them to be okay. Even if inside I wasn’t okay.

“Sure,” I agreed. My mother instantly smiled and I needed to see that. Her face hadn’t been smiling lately. The frown and worry lines were proof she hadn’t been well the past month. I needed to do this for her especially.

“I’m going to go get Catherine and the girls. They’ll want to be here for the ice cream,” Dylan announced.

“Okay … be careful,” my father called out, and I saw Dylan frown then nod before stepping out of the room. I wasn’t sure I’d heard Dad say be careful over something as simple as going to pick someone up. Many things had changed.

Not just my life but also theirs. Our family had never dealt with this kind of fear. It had shaken us, and yet here we all were. The life of summertime sun tea, ice pops, neighborhood barbecues, and sneaking cookies from Momma’s big strawberry jar were the easy happy memories we all had. No real pain.

Until now.

Laying my head back, I closed my eyes. I heard Meredith Grey on the TV and Jonah telling Dad about the new place he was going next. But all I could do was breathe. Because I’d woken up to a life I wasn’t sure of. Crawford still wasn’t here. And then … there was someone else missing. Someone important. I just didn’t know who.

“She’s sleeping. Turn that down.” Michea’s voice returned. He was back with the ice cream, but I’d wait on the girls to eat it. I just wanted a moment to hide behind my closed eyes. This would be my only escape for a while. I didn’t imagine they were going to leave me alone anytime soon. And I wasn’t sure I wanted them to. The demons in the darkness now were lurking. The memories and the terror of that night would never leave me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

SLATE

“FULL HOUSE, MOTHERFUCKER,” Uncle D said, slapping his cards down on the rolling tray table that sat between me and him.

The old man was as foul-mouthed as he was good at Texas Hold ’Em. I knew playing a game with him would give him bragging rights for the next week, but I did it anyway. He had just survived yet another surgery to remove the tumors in his body, only to find out he was eaten up. There was no way of getting it all. He’d have to go through chemo and then maybe that would give him a few extra months. But right now he wasn’t accepting that.

“I need a Coke. You want something?” I asked him, standing up.

“Giving up?” he asked in a mocking tone.

“Hell no. Just thirsty. Thought I’d check in on Knox and his sister. Haven’t seen him today.” I had run into my fraternity brother a week after his sister had been admitted to the hospital. It was before Uncle D’s surgery. His little sister was in a coma from a car accident. He had been so damn pale and looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. I’d been trying to stop by and bring him a coffee every morning. Today, though, Uncle D’s doctor had stopped me in the hall to give me the news that he didn’t expect Uncle D to live six months with chemo. Or maybe a month without.