Art & Soul

I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t know how.

* * *

Levi was putting salt in my wounds as he sat and spoke to Tori during lunch. He’d caught her red-lipstick-handed the day before at my locker, and instead of yelling at her, he was giving her his stupid smile that made every girl in school want to have his babies.

Well, except me. Once you get knocked up by someone at sixteen, the idea of having babies takes on a whole new meaning. Watching him talk to Tori was annoying. I should’ve looked away, but I couldn’t.

“I’m so happy I didn’t swoosh in after Tori and Eric broke up,” Simon sneered. “It seems the new guy is all over that anyway. Too bad for him, she’s a bitch.”

“You think he’s into her?” I asked, trying not to sound too interested, though secretly one hundred and ten percent interested.

“Are you kidding me? Of course he is. Look at her! And heck, look at him. I mean, I’m not into guys or anything, but he’s easy enough to stare at. He looks like he walked out of a soap opera as the hot lead character.” He paused. “Was that a weird thing to say?”

“A little.”

“Can we pretend I didn’t say it?”

“Probably not, no. But really, you think they are a match?”

“It’s like a match made in popular kids heaven,” he said.

“You don’t have to hate her just because I do.” I knew his eyes were still looking at Tori. She was his heaven, but he refused to say anything like that after what she’d done.

“No way,” he nudged me in the side, “you’re my best friend and we hate Tori. You know what they say, chicks before…chicks.” He paused. “People don’t say that, do they?”

I shook my head. “Probably not, no.”

Simon kept staring at Tori, and I kept staring at Levi. He was laughing with her and as her hand landed on his shoulder, I wanted to vomit. If there was one way to describe Levi, it was that he was a noticer. When he spoke to people, he stared as if he was really noticing every feature about them. He really paid attention. I hated how much attention he was paying to Tori right then instead of me, which was stupid because 1. I’d pushed him away, and 2. Sixteen and pregnant.

Tori tossed her head back in laughter and twirled her hair around her pinkie finger.

She was ridiculously perfect, and Levi noticed that fact. And I noticed him noticing her, too.

* * *

Around sixth hour, I considered skipping class. I’d never skipped a class in my life, but for some reason, it felt like the perfect time to run away. The front doors of the school were only a few feet away from me. With a quick movement, I could disappear onto the streets of Mayfair Heights and take a few moments to actually think.

Ever since I’d learned I was pregnant, I took no time whatsoever to think.

I stepped toward the doors.

Am I really going to keep the baby?

Does James have any say in that?

Am I ever going to feel as if I’m good enough?

My stomach was upset because of the mystery meat the lunch lady served, and I was fully convinced that I was leaving. I was walking out of that building come hell or high water.

“Hey, Aria.”

My steps were intercepted when Tori and her followers stepped in front of me with their fake smiles. Well, crap. I cocked an eyebrow. As I was about to turn around, Tori placed her hand on my shoulder. “I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday. It was super immature of us to do that to your locker, so I’m sorry.”

My shields were up. I didn’t say a word.

“Plus, your haircut is totes adorbs,” one of Tori’s sidekicks said.

Silence fell. The three girls narrowed their eyes at me like I was an alien. What were they waiting for? Me to forgive them? Because that wasn’t going to happen.

“Okay, whatever. I just thought I would say sorry.” Tori looked over her shoulder and smiled at someone. When I turned to see Levi, I rolled my eyes. Of course this ‘heartfelt apology’ had something to do with Levi. The second he walked off, the three girls’ kindness faded away, too.

“You’re so fugly it’s almost embarrassing that you’re pregnant,” one of the girls said.

I assumed ‘fugly’ was the ‘popular’ word for fucking ugly.

“Did you wear a bag over your head when you let the guy all over you? You’re so pathetic.”

“It’s cute, really. How Levi sees you as a charity case. How he wanted to protect the little slutty freak’s feelings.”

They kept going. My fingers were digging into the palms of my hands, and I hadn’t a clue why they were so interested in me when less than twenty-four hours ago they hadn’t even known my name.

How can I go back in time to when they didn’t know my name?

Tears of outrage blurred my vision as I turned away from the girls and headed straight down the hallway.

“I don’t need you to fight my battles!” I said, marching toward Levi’s locker. He was switching out books for his next hour, and I sent them crashing to the ground. He didn’t break his stare from me. “Do you know how hard this is for me?! I don’t need you making it worse.”

My bottom lip was trembling as I fought the tears. Don’t cry. I felt like tears gave the person watching you a sort of power. I needed to hold onto as much power as I could nowadays. His eyes widened in shock. He stepped toward me. I moved back.

“Aria, I’m so sorry…” He reached out to touch my shoulder, but I flinched.