Anna Karenina - Part 5

After the lesson with the grammar teacher came his father's

lesson. While waiting for his father, Seryozha sat at the table

playing with a penknife, and fell to dreaming. Among Seryozha's

favorite occupations was searching for his mother during his

walks. He did not believe in death generally, and in her death

in particular, in spite of what Lidia Ivanovna had told him and

his father had confirmed, and it was just because of that, and

after he had been told she was dead, that he had begun looking

for her when out for a walk. Every woman of full, graceful

figure with dark hair was his mother. At the sight of such a

woman such a feeling of tenderness was stirred within him that

his breath failed him, and tears came into his eyes. And he was

on the tiptoe of expectation that she would come up to him, would

lift her veil. All her face would be visible, she would smile,

she would hug him, he would sniff her fragrance, feel the

softness of her arms, and cry with happiness, just as he had one

evening lain on her lap while she tickled him, and he laughed and

bit her white, ring-covered fingers. Later, when he accidentally

learned from his old nurse that his mother was not dead, and his

father and Lidia Ivanovna had explained to him that she was dead

to him because she was wicked (which he could not possibly

believe, because he loved her), he went on seeking her and

expecting her in the same way. That day in the public gardens

there had been a lady in a lilac veil, whom he had watched with a

throbbing heart, believing it to be she as she came towards them

along the path. The lady had not come up to them, but had

disappeared somewhere. That day, more intensely than ever,

Seryozha felt a rush of love for her, and now, waiting for his

father, he forgot everything, and cut all round the edge of the

table with his penknife, staring straight before him with

sparkling eyes and dreaming of her.

"Here is your papa!" said Vassily Lukitch, rousing him.

Seryozha jumped up and went up to his father, and kissing his

hand, looked at him intently, trying to discover signs of his joy

at receiving the Alexander Nevsky.

"Did you have a nice walk?" said Alexey Alexandrovitch, sitting

down in his easy chair, pulling the volume of the Old Testament

to him and opening it. Although Alexey Alexandrovitch had more

than once told Seryozha that every Christian ought to know

Scripture history thoroughly, he often referred to the Bible

himself during the lesson, and Seryozha observed this.