Anguish

Her face relaxes. “Oh, that’s good.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I’m Ingrid’s sister.”

Ingrid. Who’s Ingrid?

“You’ve lost me.” I laugh nervously.

“The mother of the baby in there.”

Oh. Shit.

“Oh, right. I didn’t . . .”

“He hasn’t told you about her, has he?”

I shake my head. “Mack isn’t an easy man to talk to.”

She nods, understanding. “Listen, I’m not here to cause any trouble. When I dropped Diesel off to Santana, she said I could come back and see him sometimes. It’s been a while, and I’d love to see him, if you don’t mind?”

Shit.

I don’t know if Mack would want me to let her in, or if he wouldn’t. I stare at her, unsure, but her eyes are so soft and gentle I figure what the heck? The poor woman looks like she’s had a hard time, and she deserves to be able to see the baby. It’s not like I’m going to let her run away with him.

I must have paused for quite some time, because she whispers, “Please?”

I nod quickly. “Of course, come in. I’m Jaylah.”

“I’m Tracy. It’s nice to meet you.”

I lead her into the house and she looks around, her eyes softening slightly in approval.

“This is a lovely home.”

“Yes.” I nod. “Mack has done well.”

“And how is Miakoda?”

I smile, even though she can’t see it. I’ve heard a few people refer to Mack by his real Native-American name, but it just doesn’t seem . . . quite right.

“He’s okay,” I say, honestly.

“How is he dealing with Diesel being around?”

How to answer that?

“Diesel is loved, warm, safe and taken care of.”

She’s silent, and I know in her head she’s probably thinking, That didn’t answer my question. But she lets it go.

“That’s wonderful.”

“He’s just gone down for his nap, but you can look in on him. He won’t stir.”

I open Diesel’s door quietly and we step in. He’s sprawled on his back, thumb in his mouth—which is a habit Santana keeps telling me he needs to break—and little legs spread-eagled. He sleeps like his father; that I know. Well, except for the thumb part.

“Oh,” Tracy whispers.

She walks over to the side of the crib, and leans over, looking in on him. “He’s grown, even in this short time.”

I smile. “Yes. I’d imagine quite a bit, considering he eats more than a fully-grown male.”

She laughs softly, which makes my smile widen.

“He’s truly beautiful, isn’t he?”

I have to agree with her there.

“He is.”

“He’s so much like Miakoda, but so much like Ingrid, too.”

“Then she must have been very beautiful,” I whisper, gently.

She reaches down, stroking a finger across Diesel’s cheek. Then she turns to me. “She was. Her and Miakoda, they had something really special.”

Why does that make my chest clench? It shouldn’t matter to me, but it hurts, it tugs something deep down inside me that I’ve been pushing down for weeks now.

“Perhaps I can get you a coffee, and you can tell me?” I suggest.

She nods. “That would be lovely.”

“Maybe Diesel will be awake by the time we’re done, and you can have a cuddle.”

“I’d like that.”

We head back out to the kitchen, and I figure I should text Mack and see how far away he is. I don’t know if he gets along well with Tracy, and I don’t want him walking in and getting upset. It’ll only make her feel worse and right now, that wouldn’t be a good thing. She already looks like she’s hanging on the edge.

I pull out my phone, and turn to Tracy. “Have a seat. What would you like?”

“Coffee, white, no sugar. Thank you.”

I smile and nod, turning to the coffee-maker. I flick it on, then I glance down at my phone and scroll down to Mack’s name. I type out a quick text.

J – What time can I expect you tonight?

He responds about a minute later.

M – 6

Well, that was short and sweet.

I put the phone down, prepare the coffees, get out the biscuits I made and sit at the table with Tracy. She smiles at me, but God, it’s so weak it breaks my heart.

“Thank you,” she says.

“Any time.”

“So he hasn’t told you about Ingrid?”

“Not really. I’ve figured most of it out myself.”

She nods. “I understand why he would keep it secret. It was a hard time.”

I smile at her, and she continues.

“Ingrid was married to Benito, Miakoda’s half-brother. There was a lot of tension between the two brothers. Miakoda’s mom had given birth to Benito long after Miakoda was adopted out because of his past, which was partly on her, so it was a big blow for him to find out she’d had another kid when she didn’t protect him. He didn’t meet Beni until he was around twenty years’ old. The two never hit it off, but Miakoda tried to stay in his life all the same.”

Shit. Poor Mack. His mother did wrong by him, he got adopted out and then found out another son was born.

“Miakoda was so hurt, but soon found out Benito didn’t know his mother well either, even though she’d had him after Miakoda. It seemed she’d burned bridges with both her children. I think it’s what pushed Miakoda to stay.”