And You Will Find Love

Chicago, Winter 1935-1936

No, you can't have him. He's mine! I love him! It was Barbara's first reaction to hearing Gail's good news, though she tried not to show it. It passed as soon as it came, however, as Gail told her about Paul's decision. Barbara then realized how wrong her own initial reaction was.

"Paul says he's soul-searched and prayed for a long time about it," Gail explained. "He said he came to the decision while he was flying, that his love for me was even greater than his calling to serve God as a priest. And when he talked to his advisors at the seminary, they assured him he could serve God in many ways other than being a priest. His mother doesn't see it that way, but isn't going to pressure him."

The friends hugged again and tears filled their eyes; Gail's from happiness, and Barbara's from a conflict of happiness for her friend and sorrow for herself. That closeness sealed Barbara's decision then to give up any claim she felt she might have on Paul Riordan.

She had gone to a lot of movies in her young life. Now she would act the part of someone happy about her best friend's good news. To help her in the difficult task, she imagined herself to be Bette Davis winning an Academy Award for her performance as she told Gail how happy she was for her, and for Paul.

Barbara did not think Gail really knew how much she loved the same man her friend was now engaged to marry. In her joy, Gail seemed to forget that Barbara had spoken about Paul as if she had a crush on him. And Barbara's tears, though from mixed emotions, appeared to Gail to be like hers, of total happiness.

Now Barbara knew what the words meant, in so many stories she had read about unrequited love. She couldn't remember anything being as painful.

The day of Gail's and Paul's wedding came early in the new year and the ceremony was held at Holy Name Cathedral with Cardinal Mundelein himself officiating at the Mass. Barbara was her friend's maid of honor and Bill Hughes was Paul's best man. Outside of several of Gail's sorority sisters, Barbara hardly knew any of the others in the wedding party or at the reception that followed.

By the time of the wedding, Barbara had made a more lasting peace with herself. Seeing how happy Gail and Paul were when they were together before their marriage, and then at the actual ceremony, made her realize how right it was that the man she herself loved and her best friend were now husband and wife. And she knew, too, that if she showed any feelings other than happiness for them, she might lose even more. She might lose the friendship of either one or both of them.