And You Will Find Love

What could that be?, she wondered. Is it the reason why he has always seemed to be troubled, or haunted by some secret? Stephen hesitated another moment, then laid it on her. "I'm married."

Barbara's hopes sank.

"And I love my wife," he added. "I just can't seem to help how I feel about you."

He did not explain more and she really didn't want to hear any explanation anyway. He was already married and loved his wife. That was that.

She even felt disappointed in him, and betrayed again by another man she had felt drawn to. Why wasn't he faithful to his wife, if he loved her? He had not been unfaithful physically, but to tell her he had feelings for her meant he had been unfaithful to his wife emotionally. To her, that was just as bad.

They parted with Stephen wishing her good luck and Barbara thanking him for she didn't know what. A few minutes she was hugging Tim and promising him she would come back again soon as she could.

Tim's thoughts all began to run together. "Captain Collier has shown me how to post, the way you said. Now I'm not bouncing in the saddle, like I used to. He said you sure know about riding. He knows a lot about horses, too. You should see him win all the polo matches around here."

Barbara wished she could see him play polo.

"He's a nice man, Auntie Barbara. Do you like him? Will you maybe marry him?"

Out of the mouths of babes, Barbara thought. They say exactly what's on their mind. Not like adults who mask most of what they say and feel.

"No," she told him, "You're my man, Tim. I don't need any other."

But yes, you do need a man!, Barbara told herself. And despite everything, you do like Stephen Collier, and not only because he's gorgeous. He seems like a really fine person. But you can't have him. He's already married. Why is it?, she agonized again.I always love the men I can't have, and don't want the men who want me? Barbara hugged Tim one final time before they parted, thinking, Thank heaven you want me, and I want you!