All We See & Seem

A girl at the table next to them laughed at something her friend said, and for a moment Talley felt certain she was laughing at Walker’s declaration.

He wanted her. He thought she was smart and funny. He thought she was beautiful. It was written all over his face. He really did want this to happen. He wanted to fall in love with her. Talley was surprised to find that part of her wanted that too, which made what she had to do even harder.

“Walker, I’m sorry—”

“All I’m asking for is a chance. Just give me some time.”

“I can’t.” Walker started to respond, but Talley shook her head. “No, listen. Please. I’m sorry. You have to believe me when I say I didn’t have any idea that you… that it was…” She took a deep breath and realized she had lost all the feeling in her left index finger. She slowly unwound her hair from around it, and put her hands in her lap, giving herself a mental lashing for falling back on the old bad habit. “I didn’t know you had feelings.”

The corner of Walker’s mouth lifted in the saddest smile Talley had ever had the misfortune of witnessing. “Everyone has feelings, Talley.”

“I know. I didn’t mean…” She caught herself winding yet another lock of hair around her finger. “I came here under false pretenses, and I feel really, really bad about that. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Was that presumptuous? To assume that telling him she would never date him, let alone become the mother of his children, was going to hurt his feelings? “I mean, not that—”

“Please stop.”

Talley could feel the familiar stinging in her eyes and nearly burst into tears at the thought of crying in front of him and making this situation even more awkward. With a few rapid blinks and one good hard swallow she got it under control. “I’m s—”

“You’re sorry. I know.” His words were rough, but she knew the difference between pain and anger. “I’m a big boy. I’ll be okay.” He was looking at the daisy on the table like he wanted nothing more than to smash the old glass Coke bottle being used as a vase against the wall. “What do you need from me?”

“I don’t need—”

He didn’t raise his head, but his eyes cut up towards her. “Don’t. I just want to get this over with and leave. The quicker you tell me what it is you want, the faster I can go home.”

Talley was pretty sure she’d never felt more like a horrible person in her life. She considered lying and telling him that she just wanted a date with a nice guy but couldn’t consider getting serious with a submissive coyote when she was a Potential, but she knew it wouldn’t work. She was a horrible liar, and couldn’t force herself to attempt it. “I want to know why I can’t See you correctly.”

A giant gust of air whooshed from Walker’s lungs, taking all his aggression with it. “Because you’re in love with someone else?”

“What do—? How did—?” Talley’s face burst into flames. “I’m not in love with anyone.”

“Yeah, you are.” Talley started to deny it, but Walker cut her off. “It’s in the way you look at me. You’re measuring me up against him, and no matter what I do, I’m always going to come up lacking.”

There was so much blood pooling in Talley’s cheeks her eardrums began to thrum. “I meant ‘See’ with a big ‘S’,” she said, pulling the conversation back onto a track that didn’t lead straight to Jase-Will-Never-Love-Me-Back Town. “When I touch you, your thoughts and emotions are muted. I can’t get a good read off of you. I want - I need - to know how you’re doing it.” She realized how horrible she must seem, asking him to tell her after she had just rejected him. “I know you probably don’t like me much right now—”

“I’m trying really hard not to. Unfortunately, you’re extremely likable.”

The blood that had worked its way back to where it belonged surged right back into her cheeks. “I need to know, Walker. If there is a way my friends and family can keep me out of their heads, then I need to know.” It wouldn’t change much, but at least Jase wouldn’t be terrified of her touch anymore. “Please.”

She thought he was going to refuse, but then a tiny, defeated sigh gave her hope.

“I don’t know,” he said, chasing all that ridiculous hope away. “My grandmother was… different. I don’t remember her very well because she died when I was ten, but there was always something off about her. My other grandmother, my dad’s mom, says she was a witch.”

“A witch?” That word evoked some fairly strong emotions in Talley since her best friend was recently accused of being one.

“Yeah, a witch. Like the kind with spells, not the one you call someone when you really mean ‘hateful bitch’.”

“Was she?”

Most people would have looked at her like she was crazy for asking, but then again, most people don’t turn into a coyote under the light of the full moon. “I don’t know. I never saw her do anything witch-like. It wasn’t like there was eye of newt and magic brooms sitting around her house. But she did have a lot of plants. Like, a ridiculous number of plants. They were everywhere. They weren't weird, witchy plants, though. Just the normal stuff. Ivy. Violets. Aloe.” He trailed a finger down a petal of the flower sitting in the middle of their table. “Daisies. She had some herbs and stuff, but all I ever saw her do with them was make me lasagna.”

“So, she was just an odd lady who liked plants?”

Walker’s finger trailed down another petal of the daisy. When he got to the end he flaked of the dried out tip. “The thing is, her plants were always healthy. All of them. Even in the middle of the winter.” He looked up to make sure Talley was paying attention. “The weirdest thing to my other grandmother, however, is that she couldn’t See her memories. Anyone else in the world, Grandma Helkamp can touch and See whatever that person’s happiest memory is. It isn’t a fancy Sight, but it’s flawless. Except with Grandma Rushing. At first she thought it was because she didn’t have any happy memories, but anyone who met her knew that wasn’t true. Grandma Rushing loved life. The fact that the sun rose in the east made her happy. But no matter what she did or how many times she tried, Grandma Helkamp couldn’t See a thing.”