Agent in the Dark

I glanced at the fuel gauge. It wasn't good. The plane, with all its extra fuel tanks, had never been intended to reach the island. Earlier in the day, I had flown over the beach, only to see that my boat was gone. I had decided in that moment to risk reaching the island with the plane, instead of landing and dealing with the locals, who had taken my boat. That might've been a mistake, I thought now, as I reflected.

I'd been gaining altitude steadily in order to glide for a while, if I needed to, but it was going to be a close thing. Asia sat in the copilot's chair gripped in the tension of the circumstances. I hated to see her like that, but there was no avoiding the grimness of the moment. Worst of all there was a storm raging outside.

I looked at her and wanted to swear hard, but contented myself with slamming my fist down hard on the dash. Asia glanced at me in concern.

"What are you thinking?" She asked softly, as the plane was tossed around by the strong wind outside.

I didn't want to vent on her, but she'd asked so I told her, "Every time something's going well for me in life it goes south! You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm about to lose you or watch you get hurt again!"

I slammed the dash hard again in a statement of bitter emphasis, "I wanted this so much and now….!" I left the rest unsaid.

I wanted to swear in the worst way, but I didn't. We were out of fuel. I could hear one of the engines coughing even now. My foolish decision to go on was going to get her killed! I gripped the wheel hard wanting to strangle it to death in my anger and the need to lash out at something.

"I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you?" Asia asked, interjecting into my wrathful anguish.

"Yes!" I said rawly.

"Because of the sex you want to have with me?" She asked hesitantly.

"Good grief no!!!" I responded hotly. It was entirely my fault that she had such a low opinion of me.

"Then why John?" She asked.

"Because you're nice! I mean really nice! Heck you're as close to perfect, as someone could be! I thought… I thought…." I left the rest unsaid again, but she wouldn't leave it at that.

"You thought what John?"

Bitterly I confessed, "I thought maybe you'd help me change! Make me better, if you will. Maybe not nice, but at least better than the pathetic loser I've been all my life. But now all I've done, after a long list of abuses against you, is to kill you! I should've landed on the mainland! I should've found a boat, even if I had to steal it from cannibals! What am I saying, with my luck the boat would've capsized!"