Agent in the Dark

"He told me once that God hated him and that he hated God in return. I don't know how to deal with that." Asia said.

Eli nodded.

Asia looked around as they walked along the pathways of the camp. Over the past two weeks she had grown close to Eli and she had confided a lot in him.

"He's so bitter and angry! Like an endless well of the stuff. It's as if it feeds him!"

Eli nodded, "Did you perhaps consider that his words are a clue to something else other than what they say?"

"What do you mean?"

"We both know that God does not hate people. He sent His only Son to die for them, for us. That isn't an act of hate. He hates the sin not the person. So take away John's first statement of God hating him and what do you have?"

"He hates God?" Asia said not understanding.

"How can he hate God without first having a relationship with God? Hate is a very powerful thing and sometimes it manifests itself in the form of a cover-up for a deeper underlying issue." Eli said.

"Like what?"

"I'm just speculating here, but perhaps John is guilty or thinks he's guilty of something that he thinks is so bad that he thinks God must hate him for it. Imagine where that would leave a person. Do you think you'd ever have any hope of anything getting better in your life if you thought God hated you? Every negative action of life would only reinforce your belief that you're hated. What would your reaction be, but to hate back in return, because of how unjustly loved you feel yourself to be."

Asian nodded, "But what do I do besides pray for him?"

"Love him! The more love he receives from you the more he'll yearn for a deeper love that only God can fill."

"But I don't love him!" Asia exclaimed.

"You don't? It seems like you've done a lot, sacrificed a lot for a man you don't love."

"I was just trying to please God! He asked me to give of myself so I did!"

"When did God tell you to stop?" Eli interjected softly.

Asia stopped with tears in her eyes, "This is hard! I'm being forced to give, give, give and all I feel like is I'm going to get chewed up by him and destroyed if I'm not careful. What's he giving? Why do I have to be poured out in the sand for his pleasure? What did I do wrong? Why am I being tested like this?"

Eli stared at her, even as he loved her for her honesty, "I imagine that Queen Esther faced much the same problem, as you are right now. Look what her sacrifice led her to accomplish. I don't mean to push the weight down hard on you, but to each of us falls the responsibility of making the decisions that we're faced with in our generation. It's not easy, but perhaps you were born for such a time as this. Who can tell what reward your faithfulness will achieve? Esther saved her people, perhaps you will to."