After You

‘And I suppose it must be rather interesting watching everyone fly off every day. Exciting.’

‘I have other things in the pipeline.’

‘Of course you do. Good. Good …’

There was a short silence.

‘When is the baby due?’ I said, to shift everybody’s attention away from me.

‘Next month,’ said Della, her hands resting on the swell of her belly. ‘It’s a girl.’

‘How lovely. What are you going to call her?’

They exchanged the glances that parents-to-be do when they have chosen a name but don’t want to tell anyone.

‘Oh … we don’t know.’

‘Feels most odd. To be a father again, at my age. Can’t quite imagine it. You know, changing nappies, that sort of thing.’ He glanced at Della, then added reassuringly, ‘It’s marvellous, though. I’m a very lucky man. We’re both very lucky, aren’t we, Della?’

She smiled at him.

‘I’m sure,’ I said. ‘How’s Georgina?’

Perhaps only I would have noticed how Mr Traynor’s expression changed, just a degree. ‘Oh, she’s fine. Still in Australia, you know.’

‘Right.’

‘She did come over a few months ago … but she spent most of her time with her mother. She was very busy.’

‘Of course.’

‘I think she’s got a boyfriend. I’m sure someone told me she had a boyfriend. So that’s … that’s nice.’

Della’s hand reached across and touched his.

‘Who’s Georgina?’ Lily was eating a biscuit.

‘Will’s younger sister,’ said Mr Traynor, turning to her. ‘Your aunt! Yes! In fact, she looked a little like you when she was your age.’

‘Can I see a picture?’

‘I’ll find you one.’ Mr Traynor rubbed the side of his face. ‘I’m trying to remember where we put that graduation photo.’

‘Your study,’ said Della. ‘Stay there, darling. I’ll get it. Good for me to keep moving.’ She levered herself out of the sofa and walked heavily out of the room. Lily insisted on going with her. ‘I want to see the rest of the photographs. I want to see who I look like.’

Mr Traynor watched them go, still smiling. We sat and sipped our tea in silence. He turned to me. ‘Have you spoken to her yet? … Camilla?’

‘I don’t know where she lives. I was going to ask you for her details. I know Lily wants to meet her, too.’

‘She’s had a difficult time of it. George says so, anyway. We haven’t really spoken. It’s all a bit complicated because of …’ He nodded towards the door and let out an almost imperceptible sigh.

‘Would you like to tell her? About Lily?’

‘Oh, no. Oh … No. I – I’m not sure she’d really want …’ He ran a hand over his brow. ‘Probably better if you do it.’

He copied out the address and phone number on a piece of paper and handed it to me. ‘It’s some distance away,’ he noted, and smiled apologetically. ‘Think she wanted a fresh start. Give her my best, won’t you? It’s odd … to finally have a grandchild, in these circumstances.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Funnily enough, Camilla is the only person who could really understand how I’m feeling right now.’

If he had been anybody else I might have hugged him just then, but we were English and he had once been my boss of sorts, so we simply smiled awkwardly at each other. And possibly wished we were somewhere else.

Mr Traynor straightened in his chair. ‘Still. I’m a lucky man. A new start, at my age. Not sure I really deserve it.’

‘I’m not sure happiness is a matter of what you deserve.’

‘And you? I know you were very fond of Will …’

‘He’s a hard act to follow.’ I was conscious of a lump in my throat. When it cleared, Mr Traynor was still looking at me.

‘My son was all about living, Louisa. I don’t need to tell you that.’

‘That’s the thing, though, isn’t it?’

He waited.

‘He was just better at it than the rest of us.’

‘You’ll get there, Louisa. We all get there. In our ways.’ He touched my elbow, his expression soft.

Della, arriving back in the room, began to load the tray, stacking the cups so ostentatiously that it could only have been a signal.

‘We’d better get going,’ I said to Lily, standing as she came in, holding out the framed photograph.

‘She does look like me, doesn’t she? Do you think our eyes are a bit the same? Do you think she’d want to speak to me? Is she on email?’

‘I’m sure she will,’ said Mr Traynor. ‘But if you don’t mind, Lily, I’ll speak to her myself first. It’s quite big news for us all to digest. Best give her a few days to get used to it.’

‘Okay. So when can I come and stay?’

To my right, I heard the clatter of Della almost dropping a cup. She stooped slightly, righting it on the tray.

‘Stay?’ Mr Traynor bent forward, as if he weren’t sure he’d heard her correctly.

‘Well. You’re my grandfather. I thought maybe I could come and stay for the rest of the summer? Get to know you. We’ve got so much to catch up on, haven’t we?’ Her face was alight with anticipation.

Mr Traynor looked towards Della, whose expression halted whatever he might have been about to say.

‘It would be lovely to have you at some point,’ Della said, holding the tray in front of her, ‘but we have other things going on just now.’

‘It’s Della’s first child, you see. I think she’d like –’

‘I just need a little time by myself with Steven. And the baby.’

‘I could help. I’m really good with babies,’ Lily said. ‘I used to look after my brothers all the time when they were babies. And they were awful. Really horrible babies. They screamed, like, all the time.’

Mr Traynor looked at Della. ‘I’m sure you’ll be simply brilliant, Lily darling,’ he said. ‘It’s just that right now is not a very good time.’

‘But you’ve got loads of room. I can just stay in one of the guest rooms. You won’t even know I’m here. I’ll be really helpful with nappies and stuff and I could babysit so you could still go out. I could just …’ Lily trailed off. She glanced from one to the other, waiting.