After You

Mum peered around him to my car, where Lily was trying to act as if she didn’t know she was being talked about.

‘Well, you’d better bring her in,’ said Mum, her hand to her neck. ‘It’s a decent-sized chicken. It will do all of us if I add a few more potatoes.’ She shook her head in amazement. ‘Will’s daughter. Well, goodness, Lou. You’re certainly full of surprises.’ She waved at Lily, who waved back tentatively. ‘Come on in, love!’

Dad lifted a hand in greeting, then murmured quietly, ‘Does Mr Traynor know?’

‘Not yet.’

Dad rubbed his chest. ‘Is there anything else?’

‘Like what?’

‘Anything else you need to tell me. You know, apart from jumping off buildings and bringing home long-lost children. You’re not joining the circus, or adopting a kid from Kazakhstan or something?’

‘I promise I am doing none of the above. Yet.’

‘Well, thank the Lord for that. What’s the time? I think I’m ready for a drink.’

‘So where’d you go to school, Lily?’

‘It’s a small boarding-school in Shropshire. No one’s ever heard of it. It’s mostly posh retards and distant members of the Moldavian royal family.’

We had crammed ourselves around the dining-table in the front room, the seven of us knee to knee, and six of us praying that nobody needed the loo, which would necessitate everyone getting up and moving the table six inches towards the sofa.

‘Boarding-school, eh? Tuck shops and midnight feasts and all that? I bet that’s a gas.’

‘Not really. They shut the tuck shop last year because half the girls had eating disorders and were making themselves sick on Snickers bars.’

‘Lily’s mother lives in St John’s Wood,’ I said. ‘She’s staying with me for a couple of days while she … while she gets to know a bit about the other side of her family.’

Mum said, ‘The Traynors have lived here for generations.’

‘Really? Do you know them?’

Mum froze. ‘Well, not as such …’

‘What’s their house like?’

Mum’s face closed. ‘You’d be better asking Lou about that sort of thing. She’s the one who spent … all the time there.’

Lily waited.

Dad said, ‘I work with Mr Traynor, who is responsible for the running of the estate.’

‘Granddad!’ exclaimed Granddad, and laughed. Lily glanced at him, then back at me. I smiled, although even the mention of Mr Traynor’s name made me feel oddly unbalanced.

‘That’s right, Daddy,’ said Mum. ‘He’d be Lily’s granddad. Just like you. Now who wants some more potatoes?’

‘Granddad,’ Lily repeated quietly, clearly pleased.

‘We’ll ring them and … tell them,’ I said. ‘And if you like we can drive past their house when we leave. Just so you can see a bit of it.’

My sister sat silently throughout this exchange. Lily had been placed next to Thom, possibly in an attempt to get him to behave better, although the risk of him starting a conversation related to intestinal parasites was still quite high. Treena watched Lily. She was more suspicious than my parents, who had just accepted everything I’d told them. She had hauled me upstairs while Dad was showing Lily the garden, and asked all the questions that had flown wildly around my head, like a trapped pigeon in a closed room. How did I know she was who she said? What did she want? And then, finally, Why on earth would her own mother want her to come and live with you?

‘So how long is she staying?’ she said, at the table, while Dad was telling Lily about working with green oak.

‘We haven’t really discussed it.’

She pulled the kind of face at me that told me simultaneously that I was an eejit, and also that this was no surprise to her whatsoever.

‘She’s been with me for two nights, Treen. And she’s only young.’

‘My point exactly. What do you know about looking after children?’

‘She’s hardly a child.’

‘She’s worse than a child. Teenagers are basically toddlers with hormones – old enough to want to do stuff without having any of the common sense. She could get into all sorts of trouble. I can’t believe you’re actually doing this.’

I handed her the gravy boat. ‘“Hello, Lou. Well done on keeping your job in a tough market. Congratulations on getting over your terrible accident. It’s really lovely to see you.” ’

She passed me the salt, and muttered, under her breath, ‘You know, you won’t be able to cope with this, as well as …’

‘As well as what?’

‘Your depression.’

‘I don’t have depression,’ I hissed. ‘I’m not depressed, Treena. For crying out loud, I did not throw myself off a building.’

‘You haven’t been yourself for ages. Not since the whole Will thing.’

‘What do I have to do to convince you? I’m holding down a job. I’m doing my physio to get my hip straight and going to a flipping grief-counselling group to get my mind straight. I think I’m doing pretty well, okay?’ The whole table was now listening to me. ‘In fact – here’s the thing. Oh, yes. Lily was there. She saw me fall. It turns out she was the one who called the ambulance.’

Every member of my family looked at me. ‘You see, it’s true. She saw me fall. I didn’t jump. Lily, I was just telling my sister. You were there when I fell, weren’t you? See? I told you all I heard a girl’s voice. I wasn’t going mad. She actually saw the whole thing. I slipped, right?’

Lily looked up from her plate, still chewing. She had barely stopped eating since we sat down. ‘Yup. She totally wasn’t trying to kill herself.’

Mum and Dad exchanged a glance. My mother sighed, crossed herself discreetly and smiled. My sister lifted her eyebrows, the closest I was going to get to an apology. I felt, briefly, elated.

‘Yeah. She was just shouting at the sky.’ Lily lifted her fork. ‘And really, really pissed.’

There was a brief silence.

‘Oh,’ said Dad. ‘Well, that’s –’

‘That’s … good,’ said Mum.

‘This chicken’s great,’ said Lily. ‘Can I have some more?’