Absolution (Honor Guard 1)

***

Eva stood under the water, allowing the shower to wash away the evidence of her lapse in judgment. She didn’t know what felt worse. The fact he’d never cheated on her and she’d refused him the chance to explain his side of the story to her, or maybe that she still didn’t trust him. For over a month, she’d thought him a lying, two-faced scumbag. How could she flip a switch in her mind, believing he spoke the truth? What man wouldn’t lie when asked if he’d cheated?

But he hadn’t defended himself. Now, all this time had been lost between them, and he expected her to pick back up where they’d left off. As if nothing had happened. Had her father really done all the things Joseph accused him of? It wouldn’t be too difficult to imagine him doing it. But even knowing of Joseph’s supposed innocence, she couldn’t commit to him. Could she?

Without warning, the shower curtain was yanked back. Eva screamed and spun to face her intruder, soapy arm held out at chest level—what would she kill the man with, bubbles?—only to find Joseph staring at her with hooded eyes. He stepped into the shower, clothes and all, pressing her into the corner until he stood so close their noses touched.

“You say you don’t love me. You lie,” he accused, his voice raw.

She shook her head, swallowing hard. “No, I never said I didn’t love you.” Water dripped into her eyes, but she did not look away from his face. She couldn’t lie. Not to him. “I only said I didn’t know what to do.”

His brow furrowed. “Why not? I told you I’d never been unfaithful. I told you I loved you. What the hell do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. She trembled in his arms, clinging to him while trying not to get lost in his hypnotic eyes. But she failed. Boy, did she fail. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

“I damn well know what you want. I’m right here. You want sex without attachment? Fine. Don’t come crying to me when you realize you lost the man you loved—again.” He peeled off his wet shirt, tossing it out of the shower. His pants followed, and she noticed he’d set his gun on the counter beside the sink—within easy reach—before climbing inside the shower with her. Did he ever lose his cool, not plan ahead for unforeseen circumstances? “I’ll be your toy to use as you please, but once this is over…so are we.”

“Joseph, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Too late.” He fondled her br**sts and nibbled on her earlobe. “But it won’t stop me from f**king you until I leave.”

“Don’t be so vulgar.”

He bit her neck, and she moaned. Lifting her, he caressed her knee while he wrapped her legs around his hips. He entered her in one smooth thrust, and she threw her head back. The cold tile pressed against her skin while the hot water washed over her and Joseph.

He panted, plunging inside her again. “It’s what you wanted, isn’t it? We won’t make love, we’ll just have fun.” He withdrew again before driving back in. “Just like you thought we were before.”

He reached down, caressing her above where their bodies joined, while continuing to tantalize her with his motions. She dug her nails into his back, moved to kiss him, but he avoided her lips, instead burying his nose in her wet hair.

“Kiss me,” she said, pulling his face to hers.

Slapping his hand over the lever, he shut off the water. Joseph carried her, dripping wet, out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. They fell on top of the bedspread, never breaking their intimate contact. With his hands now free, he caressed her br**sts again while he leaned down to take her nipple into his mouth. When he began his slow movements inside her once more, she arched her back, rocking her hips in blatant invitation.

“Harder,” she groaned.

He looked at her, not grinning and kissing her like he usually would have. He increased his tempo until they both panted and moaned, sweat intermingling with the wetness from their shower. He licked his thumb and caressed her clitoris until she exploded against his fingers. Thrusting once, twice more, he withdrew from her to spill himself on the sheets.

She reached up to pull him down on the mattress with her, but he hopped out of her reach, and her hands flailed in the air. Striding into the bathroom, he shut the door and latched the lock, the sound echoing through the room like a gunshot. Eva flinched, sensing the bolted door symbolized his feelings for her. They were now behind lock and key—away from her.

While she contemplated the closed door, she realized he hadn’t kissed her.

Not even once.

***

Joseph leaned against the cold porcelain sink, his breath coming fast and hard. He didn’t know what had come over him. When he’d returned to the room to find her missing, he’d panicked. What if she’d gotten angry and left him in a fit of fury? What if the Cartel had come in the short five minutes he’d been gone?

Just when he’d been about to leave, gun in his hand, he’d heard the shower running. He’d rushed into the room—eager to find her alive and well. He’d seen that, indeed, and much more. His c**k had hardened when he saw her. Sure, she’d broken his heart, rejecting his love without a second thought. Even so, his body demanded more.

He’d locked the door, placed his gun on the counter by the sink, and climbed in with her. In one split second, he’d gone from mad to maddened with desire for her. She wanted him. He didn’t need to look at her erect ni**les to know how much. He’d give her what she wanted. Sure, why not? They’d have sex, not make love. Simple enough, right?

He’d done it like the hookers did. No kisses, no love. Just a good lay. He’d accomplished keeping himself distanced, managing to hold a tight control over his emotions. Now, however, anger at her refusal give him her love ate at him while he mopped up the excess water off the floor and turned on the faucet. Time for a real shower.

Yeah, he’d remained cool. Calm. Collected.

But why the hell did it have to be so hard?

***

Eva dressed, crawled under the covers, and pulled them up to her chin. She didn’t want to be naked in front of him again. Didn’t want to seem as if she taunted him into submission by using her body.

Ha. As if he’d ever be subservient.

She’d hurt him more than he let on if his hasty retreat behind a locked door could be counted on. His refusal to kiss her spoke louder than words. He’d removed himself emotionally from her, she assumed he remained by her side because he’d been assigned to guard her. And, of course, for the sex.