A Shiver of Light

I let my smile quirk at the edges and put into my eyes the heat I felt for him.

“We just finished,” he said, laughing.

“I am never finished with the pleasure you can give me, Sholto.”

His face sobered, his gold-on-gold eyes gazing down at me with a tenderness that was almost frightening, because I only aimed such looks at other men. I loved Sholto, but I was not in love with him, though that might come. I’d learned that my heart was big enough for more than just one great love of my life; maybe it could hold more than two someday?

I let him see the hope on my face, not the worry, and he leaned down to lay another kiss on my lips. I melted into his arms, getting as close as our now-clothed bodies could manage. It felt almost odd to not feel his extras. I must have stiffened, because he pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It feels different without your extra bits,” I said.

He looked down at me, and I could see him thinking. “Different good, or bad?”

I frowned. “Just different, but”—I hugged him tighter—“I do sort of miss them when they’re not touchable.”

He laughed and hugged me close, folding his upper body over me, so my head was pressed into his chest not in a romantic way, but almost in a childlike way. I could forget how much taller almost all of my lovers were, but every once in a while they would do something and I would be forcibly reminded that I was tiny. I didn’t feel that tiny, but it was as if Sholto could have folded himself around me twice. His hair fell around our bodies like a pale curtain.

I pushed at him enough to make him rise up so I could see his face. “What is so funny?”

“You’re not horrified by the tentacles; you miss them when they’re gone. Do you know what a wonder that is to me?”

I touched his face, still bent so close, and smiled. “I have some idea, yes.”

The laughter died around the edges and left his eyes haunted. “I would have given anything not to have them when I was younger. It wasn’t until the Seelie cut them off and I thought I would never have them again that I realized they were a part of me, as much as my arms and legs.”

I held his face between my hands, gazed into those golden eyes, and said, “I’m so sorry they hurt you, and so happy that the Goddess and Consort made you whole again.”

“That’s just it, Meredith; I didn’t realize until they were lost that I wasn’t whole without them.”

“Sometimes you have to lose a thing to value it,” I said, softly.

He nodded, but his face was serious now, the laughter gone as if it were a dream. He stood back up all straight and tall and every inch the sidhe warrior and king. He pulled his dignity around him like a familiar piece of clothing, or a well-used shield. I wrapped my arms around his waist, happy that I got to see inside that shield.

He smiled down at me and hugged me back but stayed standing this time, so it was just his arms across my back. “Well, I value you without having to lose you, my queen.”

I smiled, and said, “And I value you, my king, so much.”

“I had given up having a sidhe for my queen.”

“Would you have taken someone from among your sluagh?”

“I would have had no choice, would I?”

I thought about it. “Humans can be driven mad seeing some of your people, and goblins are, well, goblins. I cannot imagine you happy with one of their women, though Kitto is very dear to me, and if you could have found a female similar in nature to him she might have been quite lovely, and there might be lesser fey who would have been willing.”

“I mention it in passing, and you think seriously about it.”

“I’m sure you thought seriously about it,” I said.

“Not as hard as you might think, my queen. Remember, my throne is the only one in faerie that is not normally an inherited one.”

“The goblin throne isn’t inherited either,” I said.

“True, but they kill the old king and the victor takes the crown. I may retire from my job, and help my people vote another in my place.”

“Has any King of the Sluagh ever stepped down voluntarily?”

He laughed again. “Well, no, but we can step down; the goblins do not give their rulers that choice.”

“No, they do not.”

“Now you look worried; what is wrong?”

“Holly and Ash,” I said.

“The goblin twins who are your visiting lovers. You fear they will kill their king, Kurag.”

I nodded. “They mean to, eventually, I think.”

“It is the goblin way.”

“Yes, but I have no treaty with Holly and Ash. I have one with Kurag.”

“You brought them into their hands of power, and turned them from sidhe-sided goblins to true sidhe. They must be grateful for that.”

“They are both thrilled with the power, but grateful enough to stay bound in treaty to me, knowing that I have enemies at both sidhe courts.” I shook my head. “I don’t know if they’re that grateful.”

“Have you not won them over with the pleasures of your body, as you won the rest of us?”

“I might have, but I haven’t been able to have sex with anyone for months. The goblin twins weren’t tamed enough before I had to stop entertaining them.”

“Then as soon as you are able, Meredith, you must invite them to visit you.”

I studied his face. “You aren’t bothered by me sleeping with them?”