A Damsel in Distress

"I think, begging your lordship's pardon for making the remark,

that you are acting injudicious. I 'ave been in service a great

number of years, startin' as steward's room boy and rising to my

present position, and I may say I 'ave 'ad experience during those

years of several cases where the daughter or son of the 'ouse

contemplated a misalliance, and all but one of the cases ended

disastrously, your lordship, on account of the family trying

opposition. It is my experience that opposition in matters of the

'eart is useless, feedin', as it, so to speak, does the flame.

Young people, your lordship, if I may be pardoned for employing the

expression in the present case, are naturally romantic and if you

keep 'em away from a thing they sit and pity themselves and want it

all the more. And in the end you may be sure they get it. There's

no way of stoppin' them. I was not on sufficiently easy terms with

the late Lord Worlingham to give 'im the benefit of my experience

on the occasion when the Honourable Aubrey Pershore fell in love

with the young person at the Gaiety Theatre. Otherwise I could

'ave told 'im he was not acting judicious. His lordship opposed

the match in every way, and the young couple ran off and got

married at a registrar's. It was the same when a young man who was

tutor to 'er ladyship's brother attracted Lady Evelyn Walls, the

only daughter of the Earl of Ackleton. In fact, your lordship, the

only entanglement of the kind that came to a satisfactory

conclusion in the whole of my personal experience was the affair of

Lady Catherine Duseby, Lord Bridgefield's daughter, who

injudiciously became infatuated with a roller-skating instructor."

Lord Belpher had ceased to feel distantly superior to his companion.

The butler's powerful personality hypnotized him. Long ere the

harangue was ended, he was as a little child drinking in the

utterances of a master. He bent forward eagerly. Keggs had broken

off his remarks at the most interesting point.

"What happened?" inquired Percy.

"The young man," proceeded Keggs, "was a young man of considerable

personal attractions, 'aving large brown eyes and a athletic

lissome figure, brought about by roller-skating. It was no wonder,

in the opinion of the Servants' 'All, that 'er ladyship should have

found 'erself fascinated by him, particularly as I myself 'ad 'eard

her observe at a full luncheon-table that roller-skating was in

her opinion the only thing except her toy Pomeranian that made life

worth living. But when she announced that she had become engaged to

this young man, there was the greatest consternation. I was not, of

course, privileged to be a participant at the many councils and

discussions that ensued and took place, but I was aware that such

transpired with great frequency. Eventually 'is lordship took the

shrewd step of assuming acquiescence and inviting the young man to

visit us in Scotland. And within ten days of his arrival, your

lordship, the match was broken off. He went back to 'is

roller-skating, and 'er ladyship took up visiting the poor and

eventually contracted an altogether suitable alliance by marrying

Lord Ronald Spofforth, the second son of his Grace the Duke of

Gorbals and Strathbungo."