A Damsel in Distress

"I thought we had agreed that you were a young man."

"Don't interrupt me!"

"I only said . . ."

"I heard what you said. Flattery!"

"Nothing of the kind. Truth."

Lord Marshmoreton melted. He smiled. "Young idiot!"

"We agree there all right."

Lord Marshmoreton hesitated. Then with a rush he unbosomed himself,

and made his own position on the matter clear.

"I know what you'll be saying to yourself the moment my back is

turned. You'll be calling me a stage heavy father and an old snob

and a number of other things. Don't interrupt me, dammit! You will,

I tell you! And you'll be wrong. I don't think the Marshmoretons

are fenced off from the rest of the world by some sort of divinity.

My sister does. Percy does. But Percy's an ass! If ever you find

yourself thinking differently from my son Percy, on any subject,

congratulate yourself. You'll be right."

"But . . ."

"I know what you're going to say. Let me finish. If I were the only

person concerned, I wouldn't stand in Maud's way, whoever she

wanted to marry, provided he was a good fellow and likely to make

her happy. But I'm not. There's my sister Caroline. There's a whole

crowd of silly, cackling fools--my sisters--my sons-in-law--all the

whole pack of them! If I didn't oppose Maud in this damned

infatuation she's got for you--if I stood by and let her marry

you--what do you think would happen to me?--I'd never have a moment's

peace! The whole gabbling pack of them would be at me, saying I was

to blame. There would be arguments, discussions, family councils!

I hate arguments! I loathe discussions! Family councils make me

sick! I'm a peaceable man, and I like a quiet life! And, damme,

I'm going to have it. So there's the thing for you in letters of

one syllable. I don't object to you personally, but I'm not going

to have you bothering me like this. I'll admit freely that, since I

have made your acquaintance, I have altered the unfavourable

opinion I had formed of you from--from hearsay. . ."

"Exactly the same with me," said George. "You ought never to

believe what people tell you. Everyone told me your middle name was

Nero, and that. . ."

"Don't interrupt me!"

"I wasn't. I was just pointing out . . ."

"Be quiet! I say I have changed my opinion of you to a great

extent. I mention this unofficially, as a matter that has no

bearing on the main issue; for, as regards any idea you may have of

inducing me to agree to your marrying my daughter, let me tell you

that I am unalterably opposed to any such thing!"