A Beautiful Funeral

I rolled my eyes, shoving two more beer bottles in the bucket of ice. “Tired is code for you look like shit.”

“No. Your eyes are bloodshot. You have circles under your eyes. Your shoulders are sagging. So … I take it back. You do look like shit.”

I chuckled at her bluntness. One of the many reasons I loved her. “We got some bad news today.”

She gasped. “Jim?”

“No. Thomas …” I trailed off, unsure what to say. My brother-in-law being shot was so unbelievable. There were FBI agents at Jim’s asking us to keep it quiet. “… was in an accident.”

“Oh, fuck!” she said, touching her belly. “He’s going to be all right, though, right?”

“We’re waiting. We don’t have a lot of information yet, but they say it’s bad.”

“Who’s they?”

I paused. “Liis.”

Jorie covered her mouth, her eyes glossing over. “Oh, Liis.” She hugged me as if she were hugging Thomas’s girlfriend. It felt strange because, at one time, I was. Her reaction brought long buried feelings to the surface. I’d been worried for Trenton and Jim but hadn’t taken a moment to really understand my own emotions. Thomas was my first love, and at one time, we considered me moving out to California to take it to the next level. And then … Trenton came along. Thinking back, Trenton and I made much more sense, and Thomas was perfect with Liis. But it took several years for all of us to work it out in our hearts and minds. In that moment, hugging Jorie, I was right back where I started … loving them both.

I released her; even though Jorie’s soft curves were comforting. She might have been curvier than she used to be, but she still had long, platinum blond hair. Instead of black peek-a-boo streaks, her style now featured teal tips. She would be the kind of mother I wanted to be: maternal, wild, fierce, and fun. I just had to get pregnant.

She wiped her eyes and then waved goodbye, retreating to Hank’s office to get another hug before going home.

“Wow,” Shayla said, her eyes wide. “What did you say to her?”

“My brother-in-law was in an accident.” Fuck. Now, it felt weird to say brother-in-law. Even having confusing feelings felt like a betrayal to Trenton. I cared about Thomas and loved him once. Now, my love for him was in the realm of how I felt about any of Trenton’s brothers. But losing him was a very real possibility—at least, according to the federal agents at Jim’s. I remembered the times we’d laughed and talked about our deepest thoughts and feelings. We’d created a bond before I’d ever fallen in love with Trenton, and that was a strange place to be in. I wanted to pull out my phone and text Trenton to work out the thoughts spinning in my head, but there was too much to do before the doors opened.

“Oh, damn. I’m sorry. Did Jorie know him?”

“Yeah,” I said, being vague on purpose. I didn’t want to explain how Jorie knew him when we were dating. I understood how on the outside looking in, the whole situation was very incriminating. It was hard to explain the way I felt about Thomas without sounding like those feelings betrayed Trenton. In truth, I loved my husband more than I’d loved anyone, including Thomas. Trenton got me in a way no one else did, and he loved me more than anyone else had. Even if the tables were turned, and Trenton had the accident and Liis had never come along, I still wouldn’t turn to Thomas. Now that Trenton had shown me what love was, I knew that wasn’t what Thomas and I had. My feelings ran deep, and something about him was hard to shake, but Trenton Maddox was the love of my life. No one else.

Within ten minutes, Hank was making his way to me, sympathy in his eyes. “Jorie just left. She told me about Thomas. I’m sorry, sweets.”

I shrugged to stave off the tears. I’d been obsessing about how I felt since Jorie had walked away, and Hank talking to me nearly sent me over the edge. For some reason, when men showed me sympathy, it made me feel things more intensely. I wasn’t sure if it was because my father showed a little compassion, or it was just a universal thing that women felt when men allowed themselves to be vulnerable for half a second. Men holding and cooing to babies, men crying, men admitting they were afraid or just showing sensitivity, in general, had always made me overly emotional. It just seemed like such a beautiful moment of vulnerability and bravery to me.

Hank took me into his arms, and the tears flowed. He held me tighter. “You should go home. You can’t work like this.”

I pulled away, and I could see that in his eyes he didn’t mean it. He knew better. I needed to stay busy to cope. “No, thank you.”

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

I was glad when the doors opened, and I could put on my game face. It was coin beer night, and the east bar was surrounded six lines deep. I took an order, made the drink, jabbed the buttons of the register, took the money, watched the tip go into the jar, and started all over. After just half an hour, I pulled the horn for more beer. After three hours, I pulled the horn for more of everything. The dance floor was full, the patrons were happy, and Drew didn’t have to break up one fight. It was a good night, and after everyone had cleared out and housekeeping was sweeping up the mess left behind, I grabbed my middle to hug myself, and I bawled.

So many memories stood behind the bar with me. Feeling giddy when Thomas walked in and proceeded to flirt with me, and then feeling empowered when he came back and asked me out. Seeing Travis and Abby sit on the stools in front of me for the first time. Watching the Maddox brothers fight at the drop of a hat. The time Trenton leaned over the bar and kissed me on New Year’s Eve. Working with my best friend and roommate, Raegan, and watching her fall in love with Kody. Crying when they moved away, and celebrating when Jorie and Hank learned they were finally pregnant. The Red Door was a part of me and being there was an escape right up until the doors closed. I didn’t want it to be over. Not even just for the night.

After I’d dried the last glass and put it away, Drew smiled. “Ready?” he asked. He walked all the females to their cars at the end of every night. Drew was a good kid.

“Ready. Trenton should be right outside.”

Drew’s eyebrows pulled together. He looked confused. “No, ma’am. At least, he wasn’t when I checked a few minutes ago.”

“Maybe he’s late,” I said, grabbing my purse and slinging it over my shoulder. But as I said the words, a bad feeling came over me.

Drew opened the side door, and after I had noticed Trenton wasn’t where he said he’d be parked and waiting for me, I scanned the dark lot.

“It’s not like him to be late, is it?” Drew asked.

“No, it’s not.” I typed out a text to him and waited. After a few minutes and no reply, my body began to shake. Adrenaline was surging through my veins as my mind went over the worst scenarios.

A black car slowed to a spot where Trenton was supposed to be, and instinctively, I stretched my arm across Drew, moving him backward. “Go inside,” I hissed.

“Who is that?” Drew asked, moving to stand in front of me.

The window rolled down, revealing one of the agents from Jim’s. “We’re here to pick you up, Mrs. Maddox.”

I relaxed but hesitated. “Where’s Trenton? Why hasn’t he texted me back?”

“I’ll explain when you get in,” he said.