Chapter Seventeen
Pagan
Four days of dodging Dank and ignoring Gee when she attempted to bring it up was beginning to wear on me. This was stupid. I’d been on one real date with Dank Walker. I’d kissed him a few times and I’d fallen under the sexy charisma he had going for him. Every girl falls for a boy in a band at sometime. It happens. It’s life. You learn from it and move on. I was ready to do that. Why it had bothered me so deeply was beyond me. Except I’d never actually had anyone betray me. But was that really betrayal? We weren’t a couple. We’d made no promises. Dank could screw a girl outside of a building if he wanted to. I wasn’t going to be having sex with him. He was appealing. It was bound to happen. My pride had been damaged a little but I was ready to bounce back.
I had spent the weekend studying alone in my room. It was Monday morning and Dank would be in my next class. I’d smile and be polite and detached. No reason to act like anything happened. It wasn’t like he had called all weekend or texted me. I was sure he knew about my hearing his sex party outside because Gee knew. Unfortunately she’d been there right after I’d heard it so she had seen my immediate reaction. I really, really hoped she hadn’t shared that scene with Dank. I would have to pretend she hadn’t if I was going to face him today.
I’d gotten a little wrapped up in the romance of it all and that was my first mistake.
Opening the door to Calculus, I realized that last week Dank had carried my books inside for me. He’d brought me to class on the back of his motorcycle. I’d walked on the wild side for two weeks. It was time for me to focus. I didn’t scan the room to see if Dank was already there. I found an empty seat and focused on getting in it to keep my eyes from roving over the room. If he was sitting with this weeks flavor; I may have difficulty paying close attention to the professor.
Dropping my books on my desk, I pulled out my pencils and a notebook. I’d given his laptop to Gee and told her to make sure he got it back. I no longer needed it. That was of course untrue but I had been pissed.
Then a tingling sensation ran down my spine and I knew without looking that the shadow that had fallen over my desk belonged to Dank. Dangit.
“Can I sit here?” His voice was husky and free of humor.
We were surrounded by people and the professor was walking to the front of the room. It wasn’t like I could tell him no without making a scene. Not to mention the fact I would be alerting him that his sex-capade bothered me.
“Sure,” I replied, forcing a smile and focusing on the numbers the professor was writing on the board.
Did he have to sit so close? I could do without having to smell him. I was already aware he smelled delicious. I didn’t need to be reminded.
“Are you going to look at me?” He asked
No, dammit. I didn’t want to look at him. I forced my head to turn and meet his gaze. He looked sad. I hadn’t expected that. Why was he sad? I couldn’t ask him that though. I wasn’t going to let this thing go any further. I’d drawn my line. He would have to stay on his side. Which was as my classmate and friend of my suitemate. Nothing more.
“Can we talk about it?” His voice was soft. He didn’t want anyone else to hear him.
“Nothing to talk about. I need to listen to this if I’m gonna pass this class,” I replied with the same fake smile.
“Pagan,” he began and I held up a hand to stop him
“If you want me to continue sitting here then you’ll stop now.”
He nodded, “I’m sorry.”
I hated the way he flinched when I spoke to him harshly. I just wanted him to go away. I didn’t want to feel anything where he was concerned.
Class crept by at a snail’s pace. When it was finally over I didn’t look at Dank. I’d successfully ignored him the entire class. Which had been easy considering he didn’t say a word. I shoved my notebook into my bag and stood up. Dank was still sitting in his chair staring straight ahead with a deep frown on his ridiculously good looking face.
I should not care that he was upset. I should not care. I should not care; I kept chanting to myself as I walked down the aisle and toward the door. I would not look back. There was no reason to. The ache in my chest as I stepped out of the building leaving Dank sitting there alone like that bugged me. I rubbed the ball of my hand over my ache and kept going. I had a study group in thirty minutes.
***
I hadn’t expected to see Jay sitting on the steps of my dorm today. I wasn’t really in the mood for it either but perhaps he was here to pick up the redhead. I still didn’t know her name. Could have been whom Dank was screwing in the dark.
I smiled at Jay when his eyes met mine. He was a nice guy. At least he kept it real. He didn’t act like he was just interested in you. He let you know he wasn’t a one-woman kind of man. I had to respect that.
“Hello, Jay,” I said as I reached the steps. I didn’t figure I had to stick around for small talk.
Jay stood up blocking my path up the stairs, “Pagan, hey.”
Okay well we’d said our polite greetings. I had assignments to work on. I started to step around him but his hand reached out and took my hand. “Wait. I wanted to talk to you.”
Well, crap. “’Bout what?” I asked looking back up at the entrance so that he got the hint I had other things to get to.
“I know I screwed up things last week. I was an idiot. But you are all I’ve thought about for two weeks. I can’t get you out of my head. Please, just go have coffee with me. At least let’s be friends. I miss you.”